Tag Archives: inspirational

Steroids Have Me Like WOAH

It seems only fitting that my last round of steroids, after literally too many rounds to count, would hit me SO hard. I literally had six emails from myself this morning when I got to work, all which I had sent from about 1130-1am last night as I could not get my mind to shut off. And today, I just couldn’t stop. Couldn’t stop talking. Couldn’t stop thinking. Couldn’t stop step marching on my way home. Just couldn’t stop. I wish leukemia had a visual bunching bag so I could just destroy it right now. I am so amped up it’s incredible. These steroids are so powerful though it’s just crazy to think about — I go from such extremes highs to such lows when I come off of them. They mentally and physically affect me beyond what I can explain. They have pretty much been the bane of my existence for the past 2 years so I am SOOOOO EFFING EXCITED FOR IT TO BE DONE. LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Three days from now I’ll take my last dose of steriods, hopefully, EVER!!!! Anyways, to be able to remind myself of the CRAZY that comes with the high days– I recorderded this video that I thought I’d share. I look crazy but that’s how I feel right now. I hope it makes you laugh. #NEUKTHELUKE BETCHES!

 Happy Friday everyone– enjoy all the bliss of your weekends!

Lots of love & light,

Jessy

A Hello Travels A Long Way

Posted in Inspiration, My Stories by

I’m walking to work on this still kind-of chilly Monday morning and I was feeling sad that the weekend was over. It was such a good one. But then just as I’m beginning my 2 mile trip, an older man sitting beside an open first-floor window wishes me a “good morning.” This has happened before and each time it does, it completely changes my mood and genuinely makes me so happy! I’m not sure how long he sits there wishing all the walker-bys a good day but for such a simple gesture, it does such good for my soul. 
In general, walking compared to driving, always makes me calmer and there are a lot of reasons why but one of them is the human interaction. So often in cars, we forget that there’s a human in that machine that’s cutting us off. Conversely, you don’t forget a humans a human when their physical body passes by. Typically, you tend to be more compassionate and understanding of whatever it is they may be doing. 
So on this Monday morning, I’m reminding myself and all of you, to be kind to people– kindness doesn’t have to be grand gestures or gifts- it can be a small smile or gentle hello. Make a difference in someone else’s day. The whole world would probably be a little better off and definitely a little happier if everyone remembered to act like the older man in the window this morning.
Have a wonderful week!

Lots of love & light,

Jessy 

The Hike

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Last weekend I was lucky enough to spend two days doing one thing and one thing only– taking time for me. I spent my 27th birthday weekend at a yoga/health & wellness facility in Lenox, MA where I did a lot of different activities but one that I did over and over again was write in my journal. I took it just about everywhere and wrote down whatever popped into my head. A lot of good stuff came out– stuff that means something to me and stuff that I want to share here on my blog. So tonight I’m starting where I ended. This is my story of my hike in the Berkshires. 

mountains

The Ascent 

After a gentle yoga/Qi Quong class followed by an aromatherapy massage, I packed my car and got ready for my last little adventure — a guided hike. As I waited for the group to arrive and assemble, I began to feel like this wasn’t right for me. This is my trip— a time to be with my own thoughts and feelings and memories. I didn’t want to make small chat or slow down or speed up for anyone. I wanted this to be my last adventure at my own pace, with my music, my ability to stop and rest, take pictures, write and simply enjoy mother nature and all her goodness. So I grabbed a map of the trails surrounding Kripalu and chose to go to Monks Pond. I’ve been meditating like a modern day Monk all weekend and any option that puts me near water is a good one. So on my way I went. The trail has been really muddy as it’s 45 degrees in February. I feel so grateful as I only have yoga pants on, a long sleeve fleece and sunnies. I can breathe in crisp air but it’s not a stabbing that can come with deep winter colds. As I approach the pond, there looks to be an abandoned little shed and broken dock. But the water has frozen to a shimmery, star-dust blue— it’s breath taking. The sun is shining off and illuminating this frozen but alive body of water.

I look to my left and there’s a stunning stream that I can now see that runs all the way down the path I just marched up. Lucky for me, I’m all alone and no one is around so I’ve sat on a ledge next to the flowing water and am angled directly in the sunlight through the trees. The moving water is so calming and reinforces the fact that life goes on. It hits rocks, splashes up and down, freezes into sculptures at some places and runs wildly down others, crashes upon rocks and creates wade pools in others. But the water, this stream, it all continues to run together in a form that’s one. Each droplet of water essentially going to the same place— a bigger, greater, calmer body of water that is all one. I sit here on this rock and think about the stream I have gone down, all the water droplets that have given me the current I needed to keep flowing on. I feel as if I’m rounding the bend with this vast beautiful body of water that will await for me now in my current life but acts as just a foreshadow of the beautiful, completely blissful, full of love body of water that waits me, and all of us, one day.

For February 28, 2016, I can smell the new body of water coming… I can sense the sunshine beaming and I can feel the love all around me.

stream2
me&thestream

The Descent

Just as I sat there taking deep breaths and thinking calm and loving thoughts as the stream bubbled beside me, I slowly stood and decided it was time to head back. Almost instantaneously, I got excited— I got borderline panicky— like I needed to get back NOW. I knew that I had made it to where I wanted to go and now I was ready to come home. So I started picking up my pace— jogging, skipping, jumping over mud puddles but realized shortly that I wasn’t 100% sure where I was going. I was on a path— that was for sure— but I was alone, and I didn’t know which direction I was headed. All I knew was that I was walking and I was simply looking for the blue marks on the trees to tell me “it’s this way” “stay on the path.” Immediately, Dr. D and Dr. Mandy came into my head — the whole journey, I’ve been on a path, somewhat blindly putting my full trust into their guidance— sometimes no questions asked, simply looking toward the blue marker to say “go this way” or “turn down here.” Amidst this excitement, I began to skip again. More than anything I wanted to see the clearing. But I couldn’t. Not paying attention, I slipped and fell on ice and I could briefly hear my Dad say “slow it down Jess.” Then my favorite Florence & the Machine song came on — The Dog Days Are Over. That’s it! I thought. This is it— so I literally started dancing my way down the path with my gut knowing that I was coming to a clearing. I was right. But it was the same frozen Monks Pond I had started my “descent” on. 

Keep going— I could hear my mom say, “it’s just a little bit father.”

So I did just that and marched and marched, continuing on the path looking for all signs that pointed me “home” With two very muddy pink sneakers and a damp bum from falling, I made it to the Kripalu camp. Rested right above the hill overlooking the beautiful Berkshire mountains, the sun was just beginning to set. There were cars and people and buildings. Life is just like it was when I went into those woods, but I have a completely different perspective on the same view. 

I’m glad I didn’t go with the hiking guide and group. I needed to do this on my own. I needed to walk the path, stumble, get excited, get let down, and come to the beautiful clearing that I had hoped for, knowing that every ray of sunshine that beat down on my face was a family member reminding me they were here for me— every trail marker, a nurse or doctor letting me know I was doing okay — every breeze that tickled my face and made me laugh, a friend showing their support —  and the horizon at the end, my Michael, my love, I look at those mountains and see so many adventures to be had and memories to be made.

Today is February 28, 2016.

I am here.

I am now.

I am grateful.

I am proud.

I am hopeful.”

selfie with mountains

Lots of love and light,

Jessy 

Two Years of Bubble Girl

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2yearspic

Two years ago this picture was taken. This was the first time that I had been able to see Leni since I was diagnosed. Truthfully, it was one of the happiest moments of my life.

A few days later and this picture was taken….

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I was still severely neutropenic at that point which is why I had to wear a mask and gloves when she was around. This picture is such mix of emotions: I feel such love and warmth when I look at the two of us locking eyes. She is truly my little angel and I’m so grateful to have her as my Goddaughter. But it brings an emotion of sadness because I sit in bed two years later and feel like, although so much has changed, not much has changed at all. 

Since that picture… I cut my hair….

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Then I lost it all.

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But then slowly things started to turn around and I started getting fuzzies. Photo on 6-11-14 at 4.22 PM

it was time to fix my pancreas — with a full head of hair! PRAISE JESUS! IMG_5248

And then on January 12, 2015 I marched right back into the work force. I came back to the same desk I had left abruptly on February 20th 2014. IMG_5164

I even bought myself a new car to deal with all the winter snow– santa fe BEEP BEEP!IMG_5262

Then I started balding again which was no fun but I kept my “crow” cool and namasted on.IMG_4013

Then I went back to my old almamater and made a speech for the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life. It was a moment that I’ll never forget.

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things were starting to feel like normal again. IMG_6602

I was even able to put my hair in a pony tail!!!!!!!!IMG_7118

I was getting stronger and doing things with friends. IMG_7912

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AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. IMG_9199

PUP. MOM. = Life changed forever. In the best way possible. IMG_9376

I’ve been feeling so much happiness. Like I’m finally in the right place at the right time. IMG_0377

But then three weeks ago happened and I was made into Bubble Girl again– not able to see anyone who hasn’t cleared themselves as very healthy and certainly no going into work or public places. Then I had a week that I got taken off the house arrest and I sighed a sense of relief knowing that my counts were going back up, they weren’t yet where they need to be for treatment, but they were in the right direction. THEN I go into clinic last Wednesday. Uh oh. My counts have dropped to lower than they were even before when I was put on house arrest. So not only am I told, no going into work or public until you’re back here next Wednesday but we’re most likely going to want to do a bone marrow biopsy to “make sure things are okay.” For the first time in a very long time, Dr. D had a very serious demeanor, he mentioned that he “just could not explain” why my counts would be doing something like this. We go over a few complicated possibilities but all my mind was registering is this is no good– this is not what I want to hear– this is exactly the  opposite of what i want to hear. Just moments before, i had been thoroughly concerned about my end date being pushed back another week, now i’m a terrified that something has come back. That the leukemia may be showing signs of recurring. As I say these things to Mike and other close family and friends, I am often shooshed and told “we can’t talk like that” but the reality is, that’s a possibility, as small as it may be, that could happen. I am trying so hard to stay positive. I have been burning essential oils day and night, trying to breathe in only good toxins, deep breathing, taking ativans when I get too worked up, looking up at the sky a lot more to remind myself how big this place is and how small I am, I feel like I’ve tried everything but the fact of the matter is is that this shit is absolutely horrifying. I cannot begin to go down the path that my mind takes when I think about the doctors telling me something I don’t want to hear, so I won’t go there… but I know, it’s a place I really really don’t want to be. I’m just so close.

Two years ago when that picture with my niece was taken, I told little Leni that in two years, Auntie was going to be all better– that’d I’d be able to play with her all the time, with no masks and no gloves. I want to make good on that promise.

If you have a free moment tonight or tomorrow, I would so appreciate if you kept me in your thoughts and prayers. If you just sent me good energy to harness to endure whatever is to come. May it be the expected path I’ve been on, or one that takes a turn. I am a warrior princess and I’ll be ready… just need some of my angels behind me to cheer me on. I know I ask of you all a lot so I hope it’s not “too much”– I just so believe in your positive energy and thoughts being the ones to heal me.

All my love and light,

Jessy

 

p.s. here is Leni last week breakin hearts for Valentine’s Day. Does it get any cuter?

leni

 

Breathe in the Now

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It’s 10:30pm and I’m watching the Grammy’s with Phoebe on my lap. Ending what’s been a really great long weekend. Decide to check my TimeHop and this pic appears from 2 years ago. 

UGH.

My chest is now tight and I feel anxious as hell.

This pic was taken a few days before my diagnosis of blood blisters that had appeared on my lips. I remember when I woke up in the morning and I felt them in my mouth then went to the bathroom to see what it was, my stomach flipped. A lot of funny things had been beginning to happen to my body like bruises all over my legs and bloody noses and this got me worried. This made me think, “I hope everything is okay.” 

I hate seeing this picture because it floods my body back to those days leading up to being diagnosed when in my gut I knew something was wrong but mentally I wasn’t admitting it yet. I hate having to think of that time because it makes me feel sad for myself at that point. 

On Saturday morning, Mike and I attended our local (and amazing) yoga studio who has the most inspiring teacher. At the beginning of the class, she reminded us that we can never take a breath in the past and we can never take a breath in the future. We can only ever breathe in the moment. Those words resonated with me a lot on Saturday because I know I often can get stuck on worrying about things in the future but right now I remember her saying that as it reminds me that I’m not in that moment 2 years ago, I’m in the moment now… On my couch, with my two loves, and only a little over a month to go left of treatment. I’m here now. I’m grateful for this moment. I’m happy with my life at this point. 

So when you’re stressing about the past or the future, just remember, you can only take a breath in the current moment. Breathe in all the beauty of this moment, right here, right now.

Lots of love & light,

Jessy 

You Win Some You Lose Some

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Today I won a little and I lost a little. 

Good news is that I’m off house arrest. My counts have risen enough that I can go out in public again. 

Bad news is that my counts didn’t come up as much as they needed to begin treatment again so we’re paused until we try again next week. So, I won’t hit the March 16th date. I had so wanted to keep that date and not be pushed back but I also realize that in the grand scheme of things, looking back at the two years, one or two weeks extra really isn’t going to make a difference.

So although today was not what I had hoped for I still had a pretty good day.

It started with feeling a little silly in my mask  but then realizing I’m exactlyyyyy where I shouldn’t feel silly at all. 

 

 
After getting my blood drawn I headed over to my favorite floor at the Brigham to bring them a boatload of Smile Cards. I have received nearly 200 from various students in NH & MA over the past few weeks which is so amazing. One of my all-time favorite nurses was there and I haven’t seen her in monthsssss so we got to catch up which made me smile.

  
Then I went and had some QT time with my Dr. D’Angelo aka Dan the man with a plan. We looked at my results from a recent CT scan which was really fascinating and things are looking good! 

Then since I wasn’t getting chemo, I had to go over to infused to have my port de-accessed and my three favorite nurses were ALL there at the same time. MY DREAM! Plus one of them it was the first time I’ve seen her from coming back on her maternity so it was fabulous to give her a hug and see pics of her little princess. Then we just got to spend some time the four of us chatting and laughing. These girls are the best and I literally consider becoming a nurse just so I can hang out with them everyday.  

 
Then I packed up and went down to the chapel as I typically do, but today since its Ash Wednesday I was able to get the ash cross put on my forehead which was nice.

I got home and decided it has been a week since I had gotten to be in public so I packed Phoebe up and we drove over to a local walkway along the Mystic River. It was cold but we were bundled and the princess was happy to be out and about. And we saw the beautiful Swans! 

   
 
Then we sat on a little pier and took a momma puppy selfie.  

    
 
We ended our night doing a very important first for a mother daughter duo: WE WENT SHOPPING!!! And oh boy does Phoebs love the shopping. Her harness has gotten too small so we had to get her a new one so she picked it out along with a hair brush and new ducky toy…obviously she needed another toy she said.  #chevronforever

 
When this shopping pair came home, dinner was on the table courtesy of Mike Stevens. ❤️❤️❤️

So what could’ve been a crummy day turned into one that had a lot of smiles and a lot of warmth from lots of different people. Thank you to everyone who has sent me words of encouragement, love, prayers, good vibes, positive energy– or just thought of me. I truly believe it’s all so important and I appreciate every bit from the bottom of my heart.

So next week, we just try again. 

Lots of love & light, 

Jessy 

A Slap In the Face with Reality

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Yesterday, like every Wednesday, I went in for my weekly dose of chemo.

Yesterday, unlike every other Wednesday, I was sent home without getting any chemo.

As always, they drew my blood to see what my levels were at, and unlike always, they discovered that I was neutropenic. What neutropenic means is that my white blood cells (specifically, the ones that fight off disease & infection called neutrophyls) are extremely low. To put it into perspective, a “healthy” person is above 1,000 and mine yesterday were at 150. I’ve been at this type of level before but not in a long time and only during times that I was being hospitalized. Being “neutropenic” means that I’m at an extremely high risk of infection, whether it be the common cold or flu or something more serious. Either way, if I were to catch something and get a fever of 100.5 or more, my ass would be back at the Brigham. And as fabulous as everyone is on 7D at the Brigham, that’s not where I’m looking to do overnights anymore. So, I was put onto house arrest. No going out in public unless it’s absolutely necessary until my counts are back into an okay range. Unless I go get them re-checked this weekend, that means I’m slumming around our Slummerville palace until I’m back at the Dana next Wednesday. I know that some people may read that and think, “so lucky, you get to work from home– you have an excuse to not be able to leave the house”– but that’s exactly what I don’t want. Yes, I would love to stay home for a normal reason and snuggle with Phoebe all day but that’s not what this is. The last thing I wanted to do was have to email my relatively new boss and tell her I can’t come into the office because “it’s too risky” for me. Do you know how embarassing that is? How awkward it will be when I go back to the office and people ask how I’m feeling or if I were sick? I have the options to either lie to them and act like I had the cold, awkwardly say something like “health issues” (which I used in an email today, SHOOT ME) or explain why I really was working from home which is honestly mortifying and awkward for everyone involved.

What’s more, is that my issue of not going into work is honestly the least of my worries right now. My bigger worry is that this pushes back my end date. I hadn’t announced it here on the blog because I didn’t want to jinx myself, so guess that didn’t matter. I am scheduled to end treatment on March 16, 2016. That’s 42 days from now. 42 days!!!!!!!!!! If I go in next week and my counts haven’t climbed back to 1,000 then I don’t start my new round of chemo (I’m on three week cycles, so next week is “week 1” which means an additional form of chemo and the start back up of steroids and my 2 week chemo pill). And if I don’t start my next round next week, then March 16th gets pushed back. And I just can’t have that happen. I need March 16th. I want it so badly. I want to finish this chapter so incredibly much, it’s hard to explain.

Yesterday, my nurse Andrea told me not to worry. Dr. Mandy gave me a call at night and reminded me that these things happen and just to rest and enjoy being home. But I can’t not worry. I’ve been in such a good place lately, chugging along, week by week, that a bump in the road now feels like a big stumble. Since the beginning, my dad has compared this journey so eloquently so the Boston Marathon– we’ve talked many times about the various points I was “at” during the race– it will be about 26 months from when my symptoms started to when my treatment ends so it’s fitting the the marathon is 26(.2) miles. But Heartbreak Hill is mile 19 through 21– and I’ve passed mile 21. I’m rounding in on the Citgo sign now. The end is in sight– my feet are numb and my knees feel like they’re about to buckle but I can do this. As I’ve said so many times to myself over the past 24 months…I am strong, I am loved and I can get through this.

Like so many times before, when I started writing this blog, I felt bitter and pissed off but as I finish, I’m reminding myself that whether the finish line comes on March 16 or another day, I’m going to finish the race.

Lots of love & light,

Jessy

 

Favorite Things

Posted in Inspiration, My Stories by

I’ve always been a big Sound of Music fan– the entire movie is just incredible. But this song is the epitome of what makes it’s awesome. It’s so important to remember the little things in life that make us happy so here are a few of my favorite things:

  1. Chatting with Mike in bed after we turn off the lights
  2. Being outdoors and watching the water
  3. Riding waves in the ocean and feeling the salt water splash upon me
  4. Relaxing with family and friends
  5. Feeling sunshine hit my face
  6. Being in shavasana after a hard yoga session
  7. Getting back scratchies
  8. Sitting in a hot tub
  9. Getting kisses from Phoebe
  10. Reading in bed
  11. Listening to my niece laugh and watching her dance

What are some things that make you happy? Deep down to your core happy?

I bet you just thinking of a few of these things will make you smile.

Lots of love & light,

Jessy

Breathe Easy

Posted in Health & Wellness, Quotes by

take a deep breath

I don’t know if it’s the steriods I’m on that’s making me feel like this, but I can’t stop thinking about all I have to do. Life, in general right now, is busy. Work’s picking up, I have personal obligations that I need to complete, I’m trying to take my first online class on Coursera, there are trips I need to research and schedule (which is fun but takes a lot of time!), I want to read this, write that, schedule this, plan that, prepare for this or that. All of a sudden there seems like a pile of tasks to check off the list. So today, this motivational Monday is just as much as it is for me as it is for all of you. I need to remember to breathe. The tasks will slowly come off the list– and if some have to get postponed, that’s okay. Today, I need to remember to BREATHE. To inhale all the good that’s in my life, take a big beautiful breath of positive energy, close my eyes and see the light and exhale any negative thoughts or feelings that don’t serve me well.

There are so many benefits to deep breathing — beyond just helping to calm your mind, but physical benefits that can truly make a difference in your daily health.

Make sure you’re doing it correctly, however, to gain the best benefits. First inhale through your nose, expanding your belly and filling your chest. Count to 5. Hold and count to 3– feel all your cells filled with golden, healing, balancing Sun light & energy. Exhale fully from a slightly parted mouth and feel all your cells releasing waste and emptying old energy.

So trust in the fact that you’re where you need to be today, everything that is meant to happen is happening. Breath the certainty in and any worry out that you may have. Today is a good day.

Lots of love & light,

Jessy

For more information on the benefits of taking time to do some deep breathing, here’s a list of 18 physical benefits from the One Powerful Blog:

1. Breathing Detoxifies and Releases Toxins
Your body is designed to release 70% of its toxins through breathing. If you are not breathing effectively, you are not properly ridding your body of its toxins i.e. other systems in your body must work overtime which could eventually lead to illness. When you exhale air from your body you release carbon dioxide that has been passed through from your bloodstream into your lungs. Carbon dioxide is a natural waste of your body’s metabolism.

2. Breathing Releases Tension
Think how your body feels when you are tense, angry, scared or stressed. It constricts. Your muscles get tight and your breathing becomes shallow. When your breathing is shallow you are not getting the amount of oxygen that your body needs.

3. Breathing Relaxes the Mind/Body and Brings Clarity
Oxygenation of the brain reducing excessive anxiety levels. Paying attention to your breathing. Breathe slowly, deeply and purposefully into your body. Notice any places that are tight and breathe into them. As you relax your body, you may find that the breathing brings clarity and insights to you as well.

4. Breathing Relieves Emotional Problems
Breathing will help clear uneasy feelings out of your body.

5. Breathing Relieves Pain.
You may not realize its connection to how you think, feel and experience life. For example, what happens to your breathing when you anticipate pain? You probably hold your breath. Yet studies show that breathing into your pain helps to ease it.

6. Breathing Massages Your Organs
The movements of the diaphragm during the deep breathing exercise massages the stomach, small intestine, liver and pancreas. The upper movement of the diaphragm also massages the heart. When you inhale air your diaphragm descends and your abdomen will expand. By this action you, massage vital organs and improves circulation in them. Controlled breathing also strengthens and tones your abdominal muscles.

7. Breathing Increases Muscle
Breathing is the oxygenation process to all of the cells in your body. With the supply of oxygen to the brain this increases the muscles in your body.

8. Breathing Strengthens the Immune System
Oxygen travels through your bloodstream by attaching to haemoglobin in your red blood cells. This in turn then enriches your body to metabolise nutrients and vitamins.

9. Breathing Improves Posture
Good breathing techniques over a sustained period of time will encourage good posture. Bad body posture will result of incorrect breathing so this is such an important process by getting your posture right from early on you will see great benefits.

10. Breathing Improves Quality of the Blood
Deep breathing removes all the carbon-dioxide and increases oxygen in the blood and thus increases blood quality.

11. Breathing Increases Digestion and Assimilation of food
The digestive organs such as the stomach receive more oxygen, and hence operates more efficiently. The digestion is further enhanced by the fact that the food is oxygenated more.

12. Breathing Improves the Nervous System
The brain, spinal cord and nerves receive increased oxygenation and are more nourished. This improves the health of the whole body, since the nervous system communicates to all parts of the body.

13. Breathing Strengthen the Lungs
As you breathe deeply the lung become healthy and powerful, a good insurance against respiratory problems.

14. Proper Breathing makes the Heart Stronger.
Breathing exercises reduce the workload on the heart in two ways. Firstly, deep breathing leads to more efficient lungs, which means more oxygen, is brought into contact with blood sent to the lungs by the heart. So, the heart doesn’t have to work as hard to deliver oxygen to the tissues. Secondly, deep breathing leads to a greater pressure differential in the lungs, which leads to an increase in the circulation, thus resting the heart a little.

15. Proper Breathing assists in Weight Control.

If you are overweight, the extra oxygen burns up the excess fat more efficiently. If you are underweight, the extra oxygen feeds the starving tissues and glands.
16. Breathing Boosts Energy levels and Improves Stamina

17. Breathing Improves Cellular Regeneration

18. Breathing Elevates Moods
Breathing increase pleasure-inducing neurochemicals in the brain to elevate moods and combat physical pain – See more at: http://www.onepowerfulword.com/2010/10/18-benefits-of-deep-breathing-and-how.html#sthash.yKZxzcMv.dpuf

First of the “lasts”

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Today was a big day for me. 

Today, Januart 20 2016, I sat with Mike at the hospital for about 7 hours 

Today I got a spinal tap. But this spinal tap was different, I still had Beyonce blaring and my healing stones in hand, but this spinal tap was my LAST one. This one is a check mark off my treatment list. 

This video are some moments from today. I want to begin recording things more as we go to the end, I gotta remember everything! This is a weird time in my life but it’s a special time and I never want to forget it!

https://youtu.be/t1kIIW0Tjps 

Thanks for all the positive prayers and vibes going into today. I’ll get results in s few days. 🙏🏼

Lots of love & light,

Jessy