It’s 10:30pm and I’m watching the Grammy’s with Phoebe on my lap. Ending what’s been a really great long weekend. Decide to check my TimeHop and this pic appears from 2 years ago. 

UGH.

My chest is now tight and I feel anxious as hell.

This pic was taken a few days before my diagnosis of blood blisters that had appeared on my lips. I remember when I woke up in the morning and I felt them in my mouth then went to the bathroom to see what it was, my stomach flipped. A lot of funny things had been beginning to happen to my body like bruises all over my legs and bloody noses and this got me worried. This made me think, “I hope everything is okay.” 

I hate seeing this picture because it floods my body back to those days leading up to being diagnosed when in my gut I knew something was wrong but mentally I wasn’t admitting it yet. I hate having to think of that time because it makes me feel sad for myself at that point. 

On Saturday morning, Mike and I attended our local (and amazing) yoga studio who has the most inspiring teacher. At the beginning of the class, she reminded us that we can never take a breath in the past and we can never take a breath in the future. We can only ever breathe in the moment. Those words resonated with me a lot on Saturday because I know I often can get stuck on worrying about things in the future but right now I remember her saying that as it reminds me that I’m not in that moment 2 years ago, I’m in the moment now… On my couch, with my two loves, and only a little over a month to go left of treatment. I’m here now. I’m grateful for this moment. I’m happy with my life at this point. 

So when you’re stressing about the past or the future, just remember, you can only take a breath in the current moment. Breathe in all the beauty of this moment, right here, right now.

Lots of love & light,

Jessy