10 years ago. February 20, 2014. A decade. In many ways it feels like a lifetime ago – so much has happened in between. Trips, jobs, a puppy, a wedding, a new home, an angel baby. But there are other moments when the memories flood back and the sounds of the hospital, the heaviness of the door opening and shutting, visitors, doctors, nurses, staff, all coming and going. Me staying. That feeling of heaviness. Pushing the red button to administer myself more pain medication. Puking in a wheelchair as my mom pushed me along the “bridge of hope” from Dana-Farber to the Brigham. Tears pouring down my face. The dryness of my mouth when I couldn’t eat or drink a week. The feeding tube. The port in my chest. The swollenness of my body flushed with fluids to save me from pancreatitis — unable to lift myself up to sit. Relearning to walk, step by step, holding onto the walker attached to the metal pole of tubes. The acid-like burn when the pic-line dressing was being replaced. The withdrawal shaking coming off the dilauded and fentanyl patch. The lonely moments staring out the window at the cement buildings. The spinal taps. The brain radiation room. The bone marrow biopsies. The anxiety from results waiting to come in. The relief from when they did. Or the agony.

But at the end, it was exhalation.

I survived.

I got to leave the cocooned world of a leukemia treatment regimen and become a butterfly.

The pain of the moments are easy to go back to – they’re recorded in my brain.

But so is the warmth and love I was bathed in every single day by my support system.

A decade. So much living in that time. So much more living to do.

All because of the love that surrounded me and because of the incredible care I received at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. It’s because of the love and because of the science that I get to be here today… 10 years later, February 20, 2024… happy, healthy, married to Mike, mama to Cora and Phoebs. Blessed doesn’t adequately describe how I feel but it’s the best I can do.

To celebrate being 10-year post-diagnosis, I am working to raise $17,145 for Dr. DeAngelo’s Research Fund – that would mean team Neuk the Leuk, my Jimmy Fund Walk Team, will have raised $100,000 for Dr. D’s research. This research goes to finding cures for types of leukemia that doesn’t yet have a cure — the research gives people hope that they’ll get their life back, too. If interested, here’s the link to donate: http://danafarber.jimmyfund.org/site/TR?px=1013431&pg=personal&fr_id=2150

Thank you in advance for your support – and to all of my friends and family, especially Michael and my parents, that were there for me then, and have been there for me every single step of this journey since, I love you with all my heart. There aren’t words to express my gratitude.

Love & light,

Jess

p.s. It felt only right to write this on here… this blog gave me so much purpose, community and healing during these years, it’s good to be back.