Little Life Lessons Learned

Yesterday was exactly one month from when I found out that I had leukemia. One month into what will be a long two years. I’m only one month in but in this one month I’ve learned more about life and what matters than I have in twenty-five years. And for that I’m grateful.

I’ve learned that you’re in this life by yourself — with or without you, the world is going to keep spinning and the sun will keep shining and that you have to find the strength within yourself to keep going even when life gives you a not-so-great hand.

I’ve learned at the exact same time that you’re nothing without your family and friends and that there is literally not one thing more important in this life than the relationships you create. Material items mean nothing. It’s the people that you surround yourself with that are important. They will be the ones to pick you up when you’ve fallen, tell you they love you and give you more hugs, kisses and support than you think you deserve.

I’ve learned to take help when you need it. Don’t let pride get in your way– people won’t offer to help if they don’t want to. So take it.

I’ve learned that I’m a lot stronger than I realized. That keeping a positive attitude in tough times, continuing to smile and believing in yourself is half the battle.

I’ve learned the power of a laugh. I’ve always loved laughing… who doesn’t? But I realized while Mike and I were driving to the grocery store two days ago and were hysterically laughing about something that that was the happiest I had been in a while. There’s really no better feeling (or therapy for that matter) than a good belly laugh. Laughter is happiness.

I’ve learned that faith matters– for me, it’s not about going to church and reciting memorized prayers but truly believing that there is something bigger in this life, something that can give you strength when you can’t seem to find it by yourself.

I’ve learned the power of being a good person. That doing little things for others matters. Bringing happiness to others brings happiness to your own life. Life’s a big circle and you will only get what you give.

I’ve learned that appearances matter more than they should but it’s just a reality of life. I’ve been very blessed to never have many self-image issues in the past but I find myself struggling the most right now with how I look. People say it doesn’t matter, it’s what’s inside that counts. And that’s true. But I still find myself avoiding mirrors as when I look at the reflection, it’s hard to see myself. Whether it should be or not, I’ve learned that feeling good about yourself and how you look really is an important part of life.

I’ve learned that doctors and nurses are literally angels that walk among us. They sacrifice their lives and time with their own family and friends to save other peoples lives. I have such admiration and gratitude for what they do.

I’ve learned the power of music. Music has always been a huge part of my life but it’s helped me in the past month more than I thought possible. Music helps you truly feel emotions whether they’re happy or sad. A song can help you get out of bed in the morning, make shaving your hair off a little easier, take you back to a special memory or point in time, or bring calmness to your day when it’s getting overwhelming.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how long you go without talking to someone, if you made a difference in each others lives, you’ll always have a place in each others heart.

I’ve learned that people are good. There are bad people in this world but there are far more caring, generous and loving individuals. People that will go out of their way to make someone else’s day better and bring happiness to someone else’s life other than their own.

Lastly, I’ve learned that I honestly enjoy a frosty mug of beer, freshly poured glass of wine or recently shaken dirty martini. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am going to miss these little pleasures, A LOT, in the upcoming months. And ya know what? There’s nothing wrong with that.

You don’t need a cancer diagnosis to learn important lessons about life but you do need to learn things for yourself. Because as much as you hear or read about life lessons, they really only sink in until you come to the conclusions for yourself.

So one month in and I’m feeling optimistic. Feeling optimistic about my life, where it’s going and all the lessons I’ll continue to learn along this unexpected but important chapter of my life.

Xoxo,

Jessy

p.s. (cuz I love p.s.’s… and Sloths. Here’s a fab motivational picture my friend Amanda at work created for me. Talk about people going above and beyond to make you happy. Thanks girrrrrrrl.)

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Name Change

The Inspiration Initiative

I’ve decided to rename my blog because I want it to stand for something more than just me. More than just my trials, my tribulations, my hardships, my life. I want this blog to be a place that I share my story but also a place that people can go for inspiration, laughs and positive vibes when they need it in their own lives.
 
Not everyday can or will be sunshine and rainbows but it’s important to find the little things that make you feel a glimpse of warmth and light and that’s what I will try to ensure on this blog. I want The Inspiration Initiative to be a place that I go to share my zest for life and how I liked to live it with energy and passion. Equally as important, I want it to be a place that you can go to soak up some good energy rays and then go about your day. 
 
The goal is simple: spread the smiles. 
 
With that said, I hope everyone has a fabulous St. Paddy’s Day weekend and enjoys an extra green beer for me! I’ll be celebrating my favorite holiday a tad differently than expected but I will certainly still be celebrating! Slåinte
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(Wait! What?!?! I have hair again? Nope, that’s a magical wig!)

XOXO,

Jessy

Day 22

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Today is the twenty second day of being here at Brigham & Women’s Hospital, floor 7D. Today I cried. Today, like almost every other day, I woke up to doctors coming in my room to examine me and ask me questions. It really wasn’t unlike most other days but for some reason today I hit a wall. I hit a wall of “I want my life back.” I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to have a thousand people pop their heads in “my” room. I don’t want to be in this room. I don’t want one more hospital or frozen meal. I don’t want to poked at and given shots. I don’t want my vitals taken. I don’t want write down how much I’m peeing. I don’t want my fingertips to feel numb. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t. 

I am closer than I have been to going home but I’m feeling farther away from it today. I need to remember all the good things that I have my life and that’s exactly what I’m going to do with this blog. Number one good thing in my life? The people. I am so fortunate to have the most amazing support group and they have helped me get through these twenty two days better than I ever would’ve expected myself to.

I’m lucky that every morning I’ve had a card to open with my breakfast, filled with loving and meaningful words that brighten my spirit and help me feel rejuvenated. This has something that truly has made such a difference in making each day better and I know that not every patient is as lucky. For that, I am so thankful.  

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I’m lucky to not only work for a fabulous company currently that has been so incredibly supportive during this hard time and have sent me gifts, well-wishes and most importantly VISITORS but I’m lucky that that I also have worked for another unbelievably thoughtful company in the past who although I no longer work there took the time to create the most beautiful gift. An origami mobile filled with words of inspiration and encouragement from coworkers. It’s bright, beautiful and unique –I can’t wait until it’s hanging in my home.  

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I’m lucky that everybody wants me to have soft lips….

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I’m lucky that I met the most amazing group of girlfriends in college. Friends that will last my entire lifetime. Friends that make me laugh harder and smile bigger than just about anything. Friends that, although scattered literally across the continental U.S. somehow were able to work together to all pitch in and surprise me with the most beautiful bracelet I’ve ever seen. A bracelet that is engraved and corresponds with the longitude and latitude coordinates of where we all met– Tampa. This gift literally took my breath away because how could it not? How blessed am I to have people this thoughtful in my life? So to my Tampa Betches, you girls have and will always have my heart. 

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I’m lucky that I have the two best friends by my side through this whole thing. Who are more like sisters to me than friends. They’re both always here. Both always have been and always will be. And there’s nothing better than that. 

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I’m lucky that people have, simply put, spoiled me. Spoiled me with the softest blankets to ever touch a BWH bed, the fluffiest stuffed animals in all the land, copious amounts of candy, reading material to last me a year, endless tools to make me the craftiest Somervillian of all time, and most importantly my own personalized bottles of Sweet Baby Ray’s Buffalo Wing Sauce.

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I’m lucky that I have the most supportive family I could ever dream of. A sister that’s my best friend and talks to me every day and sees me every chance she gets. A brother-in-law that makes even hard situations a funny one. A little brother that has traveled back from NYC too many times to see me and be with me. Grandparents that text with me everyday (yup, that’s right. Every single one of my grandparents text!) Parents that have been to this hospital almost every single day to give me hugs and kisses and the love that I need more anything else right now. And of course, a niece that sends me stupid adorable pics of herself every day that make me happier than I can even describe. 

(I’ll take any chance I get to show off how adorable this baby is. seriously. she needs to become a baby model— get on that Courtney.) 

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I’m lucky that this guy has slept next to me…in a cot. Every. Single. Night. All 22 days. He didn’t need to do that, but he does it because it makes me feel safe and happy. He does it because he loves me, a lot. And that makes me the luckiest girl in the entire world. 

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So I started writing this blog a little down in the dumps and now, now I feel better. Because how can I not? I have SO much to be thankful for and to feel lucky about. 

I’m off to paint. 

XOXO,

Jessy 

p.s. Here’s the last thing I feel lucky for…I feel lucky that I didn’t choose this 1980’s Metal Band Rockstar Wig. 

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In or out of the hospital…Fridays are the best.

Today is a good day. I’m over the two week mark of being in the hospital and if everything goes smoothly, I could be in my own bed and eating a home cooked meal in 10 days. WAHOO!!!! Not sure if I’m beginning to go crazy from being locked up in one small room, if it’s all the steroids I’m on or if I’m just feeling really happy today. But whatever it is, I’ve got my gorgeous lei on (courtesy of my Hawaiian lovah Miss Ali Catalano) and me and Uncle Fred just completed my first selfie photoshoot. BOOM.

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Now that I think of it, all this energy is probably the adrenaline I’m still feeling from finishing my first big league acting gig. Oh what’s that you say? Let me explain… I was awoken to my favorite and fabulous nurse asking if I wanted to be in a video they were making about the hospital. Is that even a question? DUH I want to be the featured patient– how fun is that?! So I got up and quickly brushed my short new do, put it in a cute pony and pink headband and hopped back into bed (who says you have to look sickly even if you’re sick). Signed some papers and it was “lights, camera, {hospital} action!” Overall, I would say I did a phenomenal job at my first professional actress– wide eyed, pretend chatting and lots of cheesin’. Possibly a bit too much cheesin’ as they had to ask me to stop smiling so much but hey, who wants to see a grumpy gus anyways? 

After that excitement, I enjoyed a delicious bagel and cream cheese with two very plastic-y pieces of bacon. (gotta take what I can get). The army of doctors came in and had no news. WOO– as they like to say, “no news is good news.” 

Mike is working from the hospital today so I had a buddy to watch the Price is Right’ which is a highlight of the day– could that show be any better? Only if they bring back Bob Barker. But other than that, it’s perfection.

I got my yoga mat a few days ago so I’ve been doing my own little yogi sessions the past few days which have really helped a lot. It makes me feel physically and mentally strong.  

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Mike and I just finished dancing around our room for a bit which is a sure-fire way to make anyone feel good and I’m waiting for my arugula pizza from Trader Joe’s to get delivered while chomping on some delectable Deep River chips (the best ever) —  Life isn’t half bad. 

 

Happy Friday everyone, I hope you’re having a fabulous and energetic day!  

XOXO,

Jessy

 

Silver Linings BlogBook

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Mornings are hard. For a split second when I’m sleeping I forget where I am and then am reminded that I’m not home and this isn’t a dream I’ll be waking up from any time soon. Mornings also mean that there’s a full day ahead of me which can feel daunting. SO, this morning I wanted to remind myself of some of the good things that will come out of this not-so-good situation.

1. Connect with people— a true blessing has been receiving such an overwhelming amount of love and support from quite an array of people in the past two weeks. Obviously with those that I hold closest to my heart, but also connecting with people that I haven’t spoken with in years, people I am only acquaintances with, or people that I really don’t know at all but felt the urge to reach out and offer their kind words and support. It truly has shown me that people are innately goodand I am so lucky to be surrounded with the most amazing group of individuals I could ever ask for. This experience has already highlighted the importance of making a better effort in connecting with those that I love and appreciate– making the time to give a call to one of my many friends that are seemingly scattered around the country just to say hello, making the time to call catch up with someone important in my life that it’s been too long since we’ve last spoken, making the time to not get lost in the “routine” of life and put in a better effort to see my family and friends that live just an hour away in which I sometimes act like live across the country, making the time to say thank you and i love you to all those that make a difference in my life. So to all of you who are reading this blog and have connected with me in these past two weeks to offer me positive vibes and energy… thank you and i love you.

2. Try new things — I will have lots of new found “time on my hands” and while I know this will be tough road ahead physically, I really believe that the mental game is half the battle and the more active and stimulated I remain, the quicker the road to recovery will be. So there’s no better time than now to try new things and gain new “hobbies”– like BLOGGING! 🙂 or knitting, DIYing or painting. Creative outlets will be a nice change of pace and one that I’m excited about.

3. Become a famous chef-– If you follow me on Pinterest, you probably saw the outrage that I took to pinning recipes yesterday. The past few months, I’ve learned to really enjoy cooking and trying new recipes/foods. But as with most people, there’s not always enough time in the day to be slaving away in the kitchen trying all the recipes I want to discover. So lucky for me (and Mike!), I’ll be slumming around our Slomerville palace for quite some time and will have plenty of time to master this talent.

I see you Guy Fierri.

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4. Possibly get a pup — not sure if this one’s possible yet but I’ve wanted a frenchie for a long time now and there really hasn’t been a good time with my work schedule. So my wheels have already begun to spin that maybe this is God opening the door for me to have a little baby frenchie on board.

A girl can dream…

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5. Have a “summer vacation” — living in New England there is absolutely a “better” time to have chemo. And it’s called not winter. I feel lucky that I’m going to go through this just as winter is ending and the beautiful New England spring and summer are beginning. I felt sorry for myself last summer being locked up in an office building everyday during those warm weather days. And although this is not how I would’ve wished to get some extra days off, (I’d take winning the lotto instead), I’m excited to spend time soaking up more rays than I had anticipated and just enjoying being outdoors and feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin.

So with that said….dear 10 degree days in March– get the eff out of my way.

6. More time with my Eleni Bear – lets face it, there’s no better therapy than snuggling with my favorite little nugget. Literally nothing better. And I’ll have way more time to do that. So BOOM– win.

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I’m sure I’ll think of more later but those are some of the main things I’m looking forward to with my new change of pace.

XOXO,

Jessy

Hair Matters

Yesterday and today were big days. The hair chopping and wig fitting began. Apparently it takes about two weeks after chemo begins that you start to lose your hair. So I wanted to do it in phases so it didn’t feel as dramatic when I have to buzz it off. Out of everything going on, this is something that I have been dreading more than most aspects. Although there’s nothing normal about my life right now, when I’m putzing around my room, chatting with friends/family, watching TV at night with Mike… I feel normal. I feel like myself. But I also have been able to look in the mirror and it’s me… no difference. (a little paler than normal but me). So I’m so terrified to think about what it’s going to feel like when I look in the mirror and my hair’s gone… I won’t be who I’ve always been. Hair doesn’t define you and logically, I know that, but emotionally, it’s harder than that. It really is a big part of who I am. And unlike a lot of girls who are daring and wild with their hair, my “do” has been the same for quite some time — long and brown since about 1995. So the thought of being forced to lose it… sucks quite honestly. 

So I woke up at about 9:30 yesterday and took my last pic with my long manggggge. 

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Within about 10 seconds, it was gone. CHOPPED.  

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SILVER LINING: I had enough hair to donate it to Locks of Love so it will be able to be made into a wig for a little girl going through something she should absolutely not be dealing with her at her age. That, that made it absolutely worth it.

This morning, I woke up, showered and put on make-up for the first time in 11 days which felt SUPERB. And here’s the final product. 

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If I’m being honest, I really don’t like it. I’ve decided I’m definitely a long hair girl and I can’t wait until the next time I have to spend a good 10 minutes in the shower shampooing and conditioning my hair. It will be a divine day. Until that day, I’ll be rocking the short hair/no hair/fake hair thing. And ya know what, that’s not the best but as I’ve learned in the past two weeks, I’ll keep chugging along and get through this too. 

XOXO, 

Jessy 

Motivational Monday: At Least You’re Not this Girl


Monday's almost over. (THANK GOD) but I know we're all still upset that another weekend has since bit the dust and we're left with a full week ahead of us with work to get done, diets to adhere to, gym sessions to muddle through and errands to check off the list. But all I have to say is… thank you Lord I am not this girl. And you should all feel thankful too.

This video came out Friday (and completely made my day) and it's internet ratings have still yet to come crashing down. This poor poor girl is currently the laughing stock of America's pop culture. And that, that's a place I would nottttt want to visit.

xoxox,
Jessy

p.s. when you're twerking by yourself, with candles on….and video taping it– you really can't complain when something like this happens. Just gotta think, "I deserved that."

Motivational Monday: 8/26/13

Today is a special day. It’s the morning after the 2013 VMA awards, aka the night Nsync had a reunion and Justin Timberlake solidified himself as one of the best artists of our time. No big deal or anything, but I’ve basically been his number one fan since 1998, and there’s no better feeling than watching your favorite artist absolutely CRUSH everyone else and all other live performances… of all time. Not to mention, seeing Nsync reunite after 8 years instantly brought me back to being 11 years old and screaming at the top of my lungs at one of their many concerts I attended. Doesn’t get much better than that.

This video may not be a ‘motivational’ speech but if it doesn’t motivate you to be the best at your craft or be the best at whatever you do or whatever you want to be then I just don’t know what will.

Enjoy peeps. I’ll be watching this on repeat. ALL WEEK.

XOXO,
Jessy

p.s. this performance also proved (after a nauseating performance by Miley Cyrus) that putting on a phenominal show doesn’t mean being outrageous and over-the-top…it means that being unbelievabley talented is what entertains above all else. #GoJustin #GoHomeMiley

Jessy’s Most Wanted: Jobs

After watching a few Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, I’ve decided I’d like a fantastic job like Guy Fieri has. So here are my top five dream gigs.

1. Guy Fieri hosting “Triple D”: thought I’d start with the top since its my number one dream job! If you don’t watch this show, START, it’s amazing. Basically what it is, is a chef (Guy) who travels all around the US going to small restaurants that are well known in the area. Each time the featured restaurant has a some sort of specialty item that he tries and every time, my belly grumbles and my mouth starts salivating. With that said, Guy Fieri gets paid to travel the country and eat the best food–now that’s one hell of a job.
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2. Ellen Degeneres: she makes cagillions dancing around with celebrities, playing games, hanging out with Rosie and Sophia, and basically makes a lot of people’s dreams come true (let’s face it, that’s got to be the absolute best).
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3. Beer tester: found out about this bad ass job during a Budweiser brewery tour and my life’s never been the same. Drink beer + get paid = amazingness.
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4. Carson Daily hosting the Voice. This is the awesome because he gets all the perks of being on the show without having to be a judge and pick and choose people. Instead of crushing people’s dreams, Carson stands there and roots the contestants on and tells them how great they did.
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5. Beyonce. Enough said.
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What’s your dream job??

xoxo,
Jessy

Mindset of Working Me. Help Needed.

Two days back from vacation and my mind is wandering. I can’t stop thinking “is this it?” Is this how my life is going to be the rest of my life? Working for the weekends? Working to get me to my next vacation? I’m two years out of college and I’m already feeling so run down of working (kind of pathetic, I know!). What frustrates me the most is I can’t seem to put my finger on why that is and how I fix it. I have a good job. One that, when I really think about it, I like. It’s in the area that I earned a degree in. It’s with a “good” company. It’s for a brand that I truly like and connect with. It certainly seems better than some of the other jobs my friends have. However, I can’t even imagine doing this for another 30 years. It feels like an impossible feat in which I’d go insane doing.

I’ve always been a hard worker and I enjoy being busy so why is it all of a sudden that I can’t stand the structure? I can’t stand the 8:30-5:30 every day. At the same desk. With the same people. Doing relatively the same thing. It’s mundane and honestly, it’s boring. However, the second I mention something like this to anyone older the age of 25, I get a response of, “get used to the real world hunny, you’re going to be in it for a long time.” Could it get any scarier than that?

Per the aforementioned rant, I could clearly use some advice. Got any? I’d love to hear it!

xoxo,

Jess