Dreams 

  
This is so perfect, I just love it.

Yesterday, after spending the day at the beach, soaking in the sun, reading with my feet buried in the sand and riding waves in the salt water, I floated off to sleep dreaming of owning a beach house in the future. It may be a lofty dream but it’s my dream and having that dream is all that matters. So as I start the new week, I can feel motivated and determined to take steps now to making it happen one day. It may take me 30 years, but if I work hard enough, I believe I can make it happen. Somehow, some way. 

What’s your dream? What are you going to do TODAY to take a step towards making that dream happen? 

Happy Monday friends, let’s make this week one that puts us that much closer to making those dreams a reality! 

Lots of love & light,

Jessy 

Motivational Monday

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I love this quote. So often we look at things with a “you win, you lose” attitude. One or the other. Black and white. But this puts the perfect positive spin on it— “losing” isn’t fun but life isn’t about winning every race. So when you don’t come out on top, sometimes that’s when the beauty comes out and you learn an incredible amount. Always having things go the way you want doesn’t always allow for true growth to happen. Hey, I never would’ve considered being diagnosed with leukemia as a “win” but I’ve learned and learned and learned so how can I look at it as a total loss? I can’t.

So seize the day— relish in your little wins and learn from those bumps along the way. It’ll be worth it in the end!

Happy Monday— go crush this day like the warrior you are!

Lots of love and light,

Jessy

Memories as Motivation

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This weekend, I went to the Taylor Swift concert with 7 of my girlfriends. It was such an amazing time– first because her show was SO good and secondly because I got to spend quality time with people that mean a lot to me. I had been looking forward to this day for almost 7 months as we purchased the tickets in December! So I felt a little sad yesterday that it’s “ already”over! That always seems to happen after big events, we look forward to them for so long that it feels like a let down once it’s in the past. But I shouldn’t view it as a let down, I should view it as a blessing. I was so lucky that I got to see an artist I love live, that I got to dance under the stars and hold hands and sing out loud with my best friends.

So today I remind you, as I’m reminding myself, that it’s important to try to look back at good times and not think “so sad it’s over” but rather “I’m so grateful that it happened.” Grateful that it happened and determined to make more memories like that a reality. Dream BIG and push HARD to make the memories you want in life.

Lots of love & light,

Jessy

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Motivational Monday

I struggled staying positive last week and I can already feel myself slipping into a “blahhh” feeling Monday. We can go into everyday with the best of intentions and tell ourselves to have positive thoughts but sometimes your emotions take control more than your conscious thoughts.

After water filling up in our kitchen light last night (and then all over the floor), I was convinced this may not be the best start of the week. Cleaning instead of blogging about my weekend (which I’ll get to later this week) was disappointing and frustrating. BUT HEY, That’s home ownership, huh? 

Anyways, last week, when I was feeling particularly low, I saw this amazing post on Instagram by @yogagirl! It’s not only physically impressive and something I want to work for but her words were so true and empowering at that moment. And I find them very helpful to read and remind myself as we start this week. 

  

So ROAR when you need to.

Stand tall and keep your head high. 

WARRIOR UP.

Let’s kick this Monday’s ass. 

XOXOX, 

Jessy 
 

Like a Duck

 I missed Motivational Monday because I was spending some much needed time with my second family, the Piets, and soaking up the sun on the Cape on a Monday. It was so nice to spend time with them as I have always felt such a part of their family, like Brittany is my sister and her sisters are my little sisters. I am very blessed in that way, to have the support and love from another family. But as life many times get in the ways, I get to see them a lot less than I once did. So i felt so grateful to get to have this time with my best friend for a whole day. And let me tell you, having a sleepover at age 26 is just as fun as when you’re 13. 

  
As for the quote… I AM OBSESSED!!! It’s just so accurate. I’m always putting an effort in to appear polished and professional on the outside but on the inside I’m dancing, being silly and running as fast as I can to my next goal. 

You’re through Monday, WAHOO! So let’s make this Tuesday a SUCCESS AND NOTHING LESS! 

Lots of love & light,

Jessy 

 

Grateful for the Now

So much of our lives are spent wishing for the next thing. When you don’t have a boyfriend, you wish you were in a relationship. When you have a boyfriend, you wish you were engaged. When you’re engaged you can’t wait to get married and have all that stressful planning done and over with! It’s always on-to-the-next and I’m fully guilty of this. Certainly, I am guilty of this lately — I think almost daily about how much I can’t wait for this time period of my life to be over. How I can’t wait until I’m “normal” again. I can’t wait until I can have drinks again. I can’t wait until I don’t have chemo treatments every week. I can’t wait until this damn port is out of my chest. I can’t wait to have a dog. I can’t wait to get rid of my commute.
I can’t wait. I can’t wait. I can’t wait.
I’m literally wishing away my life because it’s “hard” right now. Then I sit and think about it and I realize that it’s always going to be hard. Life is always going to have bumps in the road and obstacles to get over… you don’t go over one big wave and then have smooth sailing the rest of the ride. Navigating those rocky waves is part of being human. So although my hope is that this time in my life is particularly difficult, I need to stop pretending like this is the only difficult thing that I will experience in my life. What I really need to do is start living in the now and appreciating the day in front of me. I feel like this expression, “life in the moment,” is so overused and rarely ever acted upon but it’s the only way to say it. You truly have to embrace each day and feel grateful to be in it. Because as wonderful as tomorrow looks today, who knows if you’ll ever get there? That sounds bleak but it’s the truth. Tomorrow isn’t promised so if you spend all of today looking forward to tomorrow, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine that’s beating down on you RIGHT NOW.
Saying this and living this are two different things. It takes practice and a lot of actual effort to truly feel happy, to whole-heartedly embrace the day. I’ve realized that being happy isn’t something that just happens, you have to make a conscious effort to attain it. I believe that having gratitude for the things in your life and being grateful for the many blessings that you have, really helps in feeling that true joy we’re all looking for. I’ve been putting a conscious effort to act on this lately and have found that a few easy practices, have helped me take on each day with a better mindset.
that I have found helpful is meditating for a few minutes in the morning before I get out of bed. My type of meditating doesn’t consist of any “om-ing” or special rituals that take a considerable amount of time. Rather for just a few minutes before getting out of bed in the morning, I sit up straight with my legs crossed, close my eyes and think about how grateful I am for this day, how grateful I am for my life and the people in my life. Doing this starts the day off on a positive note– it is a reminder to feel thankful for simply being alive and getting to live this day.
Another thing I’ve been trying to do more often is to take deep breaths. I know this sounds so simple but it can be so impactful. It physically calms your body down when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. Breathing deeply in through your nose and slowly out through your nose, can help reduce anxiety, which I think we all so desperately can use. While I’m doing this, I often say to myself, “I am strong. I am loved and I will get through this.” These three sentences have sort of become my mantra that I’ve been saying in my head since about February 21, 2014 but yours can be whatever you want. Whatever makes you feel more at ease, gives you confidence and makes you feel like you can get through whatever life is handing you. And the beauty about pairing deep breathing with a personal affirmation is that it can be done anytime, anywhere.
The last thing that I’ve found helps to ground you and bring your mind to the present moment is to look up at the sky. Really look. Throw your head back and look up at its beautiful openness. See how big it is. Think about how small you are in the world compared to it. It’s a humbling feeling and I find that it helps to give you a sense of much-needed perspective.
That being said, I don’t want to act like I don’t see the importance of planning ahead or being excited for the future. Being excited for what’s to come is what motivates us and gets us to push ourselves to be the best we can be so our tomorrow can be even better than today! It’s just important to remember to be grateful for the now, TOO. Be grateful for THIS moment. Even if it’s a hard moment, be grateful for it. It might be tough but it’s making you stronger. Be grateful for that. Simply said, be grateful for your life — it’s a beautiful one.
So, just like my gorgeous little Leni bear, I hope that every day you stop and take time to smell the flowers blooming right outside your window.
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Lots of love and light,
Jessy
p.s. I’ll probably have to reread this tomorrow when I’m sitting at work, wishing for the weekend. But hey! It’s all about making the effort.

Motivational Monday

I don’t know about you, but this Monday is flying! It’s already noon and I feel like I haven’t had time to think. But I wanted to take 5 minutes to remind you that today is a good day. Today is another day to begin to make your dreams a reality. You have the whole week in front of you. Don’t let that stress you out, instead let it light you up with excitement that there’s time to GET THINGS DONE! 

We all live in a land of our own dreams, these “rules” reminds us that in order to live out those dreams, you have to actually GO for them.   

Happy Monday, loves! 

XOXO,

Jessy 

Work It

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It’s Motivational Monday, friends! Whatever you want to make happen in your life, do something this week that helps get you there. Even if it’s just baby steps, or one tiny task that takes you just a wee bit closer, DO IT!!!! Success and happiness don’t just fall into our laps. We’ve gotta work for it!!

Let your happiness come first!!!

XOXO,

Jessy

Push thru Tuesday Bluesday

“Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Having a hard time the past few days and really needed this reminder. Gotta make the best of what you’re given and pay as little attention to those negative vibes and feelings in your life.

Hope you all get through this Tuesday with good spirits and happy smiles!

XOXO,

Jessy

Count On It

I was looking at my Instagram account this morning. Flicking through picture after picture and quickly, I got to “BC” pics, or “Before Cancer.” I’ve looked at old pictures a lot in the past three months, there’s a sense of such warmth and goodness to looking at smiles on my friends and family faces. And smiles on myself, reminding me of a life that I was living and loved so much. However, today when I was looking at these pictures, it felt like a previous time. Like a past life. A time that I’ll never get back. Because the truth is, I really will never get it back. I’ll never be the same girl I was when I rang in 2014. But in all honesty, how could I ever think I would be the same person? It wouldn’t make any sense. As with anything difficult in life, you can’t go through it and stay the same person. Isn’t that the whole point of the journey? I remember ringing in the New Year and thinking about just how amazing 2014 was going to be. I had just moved in with Mike a few months before and things were going swimmingly. I had just gotten my first promotion and would be beginning to work on a new brand, doing new and exciting things. I had an adorable 4 month old niece who I loved more than I knew was possible. I had amazing friends and an amazing family. I was feeling truly at the right place at the right time. I was feeling like this was my time. Things were falling into place and years of hard work were starting to come together. I could see clearly of where I was headed, what I wanted to do. And then January 14th I woke up in the middle of the night with the feeling like a tractor trailer was crushing my tailbone. It would take over a month to figure out what that crushing feeling was exactly but I think of that moment now as so symbolic. Symbolic of how quickly life can change. How quickly things can completely take a different turn. Logically, I know that that wasn’t the exact moment that the leukemia hit my blood stream but in my mind, I think of it like that. I think of it like I went to bed on January 13th a normal, healthy 24 year old and I woke up, on January 14th with my life being crushed and ran over by the leukemia tractor trailer. What’s even more symbolic is the fact that I would be struck by this disease, by this horrible, horrible disease on the very day that person who has saved me through all of this was born. January 14th is Mike’s birthday. Mike has made me laugh when nobody else can. He’s made me smile when I’m grumpy. He’s given me hugs when I don’t want to be touched. He’s kissed my forehead when tears are running down my face. He’s made me genuinely happy…happy in a time when I could never have imagined being happy. He truly is my angel. And so it feels fitting that my modern-day angel would be born on the day that I began to truly need him, to depend on him in all the ways a person can really depend on someone other than their self.

As I’m sitting here at my kitchen table writing this post, I’ve lost all sense of my emotions. (it’s probably not helping that Florence & the Machines are on in the background and it’s raining heavily outside). But I can’t stop crying and I don’t really know why. I’m having such mixed emotions. I feel so physically and mentally exhausted today. But at the same time, I feel sharp. Recounting in my head all that I’ve been through and thinking about all I will continue to go through has brought me to a sense of clarity. Maybe it is still my time after all.
The question “Why me?” has gone through my head a thousand times. I’ve probably thought it 10 times just sitting here writing this post. But it suddenly dawned on me that I should stop questioning “why me” and try to feel grateful for being “chosen” to go through this journey. If I view it as something I was chosen for rather than something that just unfortunately “happened” to me, it gives this whole experience a bigger purpose. So why was I chosen? Why me? Because I can deal with it. Because I am so much stronger and better than this disease. Because I am blessed with family and friends that are so much better and bigger than this disease. Because I will walk away from this disease and be a better person. A stronger person. A more caring person. A more giving person. A person that helps others and makes a difference in the world. “AC” Jessy will be so much better than “BC” Jessy.
Count on it.
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XOXO,
AC Jessy