I’m stealing this line from the founder of the Not Impossible Labs (the speaker I wrote about a few days ago that was at the conference I attended last week). He said this line so passionately and at first I hated it. Why would I surround myself with people that make me feel stupid? That’s horrible advice, I thought. But then I quickly realized that surrounding yourself with people that make you feel stupid doesn’t mean surrounding yourself with people that make you feel inadequate or that belittle you– but rather the opposite. It means to surround yourself with people that know more than you, that you can gain insight from, perspective from, people that you can GROW from. Once you realize you may be the “stupid-est” person in the room, don’t be ashamed, be grateful– take it as a blessing– there is SO MUCH to LEARN!!! In the past year and a half, I’ve been surrounded by some of the most brilliant men and women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and although sometimes it can be intimidating, more often than not, it’s empowering… it makes me want to open my eyes to what else is out there and the ways my mind can continue to expand.
Life is all about growing and by taking the time to surround yourself with those that you can grow from– you’re hedging your bet right.
Lots of love & light,
I’m taking this line from the founder of Not Impossible labs
Last Monday I began an 8 week online course that focuses on career growth and exploration; trying to discover what you really want to do, what truly makes you happy. I signed up for this because as I’ve made mention to before, I feel a little lost right now at work. It could be because of what I’m doing, it could be because I don’t have the flexibility or freedom I fantasize about, it could be because I’m still bitter from the demotion, or it could be because I don’t feel like I’m helping anyone or making a difference in the world. Either way, I’m restless and I don’t love the feeling. And although I don’t feel like I can actually make moves anytime soon, I decided I can take baby steps towards finding a career that’s meaningful and makes me happy on a daily basis. That career could be right where I am today (in an upward trajectory of course haha) but I need to clarify that in my mind so I can stop second guessing myself.
I’m only one week into this course but I’m already finding it more challenging than I would’ve expected. Only because there’s a lot of “self reflection” so far and reflecting on yourself (and trying to be unbiased) is REALLY hard. When it asked me to list things that make me the happiest, I answered with things like, riding waves in the ocean, singing out loud in the car, feeling the sunshine on my face, dancing around my living room, cuddling with Mike, going for long walks, doing yoga outside. Although these things are all wonderful, none of them are qualities that can point me in the right direction of a career. When asked for what people ask for my help on, I literally couldn’t think of one thing. When asked what I’m good at, I had a really hard time thinking of anything. I kept thinking, “well, I’m a people person” but that’s not a sellable quality. You can’t make a career out of being a people person.
So I’ve been feeling a little frustrated, I want so desperately to figure out what I’m supposed to do. I’m impatient, and I want to figure it out NOW. I overthink things and let my thoughts get the best of me. And this is one of the cases where I am overthinking the absolute crap out of everything. Honestly, it’s because I feel this overwhelming weight on my shoulders to make the most out of my life and since work is about 75% of your waking hours, that includes my job. I try to remind myself that I’m only 26, my whole life doesn’t need to be planned right now. But what I’ve also learned in the past year, is that life is short and it’s too short to be unhappy for too long. If you want a change, you have to make that change for yourself. Just like success in a job doesn’t come without effort, happiness doesn’t always come without effort either. You have to work for a promotion, work for a raise, and so forth you have to work for your happiness, you have to make a conscious effort to make changes to your life in order to be your happiest, most satisfied self.
Do you guys ever feel like this? What have you done to best optimize your work life? I’d love to hear from people!!
Now off to start my Week 2 packet…
I was looking at my Instagram account this morning. Flicking through picture after picture and quickly, I got to “BC” pics, or “Before Cancer.” I’ve looked at old pictures a lot in the past three months, there’s a sense of such warmth and goodness to looking at smiles on my friends and family faces. And smiles on myself, reminding me of a life that I was living and loved so much. However, today when I was looking at these pictures, it felt like a previous time. Like a past life. A time that I’ll never get back. Because the truth is, I really will never get it back. I’ll never be the same girl I was when I rang in 2014. But in all honesty, how could I ever think I would be the same person? It wouldn’t make any sense. As with anything difficult in life, you can’t go through it and stay the same person. Isn’t that the whole point of the journey? I remember ringing in the New Year and thinking about just how amazing 2014 was going to be. I had just moved in with Mike a few months before and things were going swimmingly. I had just gotten my first promotion and would be beginning to work on a new brand, doing new and exciting things. I had an adorable 4 month old niece who I loved more than I knew was possible. I had amazing friends and an amazing family. I was feeling truly at the right place at the right time. I was feeling like this was my time. Things were falling into place and years of hard work were starting to come together. I could see clearly of where I was headed, what I wanted to do. And then January 14th I woke up in the middle of the night with the feeling like a tractor trailer was crushing my tailbone. It would take over a month to figure out what that crushing feeling was exactly but I think of that moment now as so symbolic. Symbolic of how quickly life can change. How quickly things can completely take a different turn. Logically, I know that that wasn’t the exact moment that the leukemia hit my blood stream but in my mind, I think of it like that. I think of it like I went to bed on January 13th a normal, healthy 24 year old and I woke up, on January 14th with my life being crushed and ran over by the leukemia tractor trailer. What’s even more symbolic is the fact that I would be struck by this disease, by this horrible, horrible disease on the very day that person who has saved me through all of this was born. January 14th is Mike’s birthday. Mike has made me laugh when nobody else can. He’s made me smile when I’m grumpy. He’s given me hugs when I don’t want to be touched. He’s kissed my forehead when tears are running down my face. He’s made me genuinely happy…happy in a time when I could never have imagined being happy. He truly is my angel. And so it feels fitting that my modern-day angel would be born on the day that I began to truly need him, to depend on him in all the ways a person can really depend on someone other than their self.
As I’m sitting here at my kitchen table writing this post, I’ve lost all sense of my emotions. (it’s probably not helping that Florence & the Machines are on in the background and it’s raining heavily outside). But I can’t stop crying and I don’t really know why. I’m having such mixed emotions. I feel so physically and mentally exhausted today. But at the same time, I feel sharp. Recounting in my head all that I’ve been through and thinking about all I will continue to go through has brought me to a sense of clarity. Maybe it is still my time after all.
The question “Why me?” has gone through my head a thousand times. I’ve probably thought it 10 times just sitting here writing this post. But it suddenly dawned on me that I should stop questioning “why me” and try to feel grateful for being “chosen” to go through this journey. If I view it as something I was chosen for rather than something that just unfortunately “happened” to me, it gives this whole experience a bigger purpose. So why was I chosen? Why me? Because I can deal with it. Because I am so much stronger and better than this disease. Because I am blessed with family and friends that are so much better and bigger than this disease. Because I will walk away from this disease and be a better person. A stronger person. A more caring person. A more giving person. A person that helps others and makes a difference in the world. “AC” Jessy will be so much better than “BC” Jessy.
Count on it.