The Guilt of Health

I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I wrote a post. I can blame it on the fact I’ve been quite the busy lady in August, from bachelorette weekends to concerts to Red Sox games to doggy ice cream socials to creating a 6-page itinerary of our upcoming Italy trip, it’s been a whirlwind month but if I’m being honest, there’s another reason I haven’t written too. I have a bit of guilt that’s kept me from writing.  I used to write this blog in a hospital room when I was feeling lonely or sad or scared or upset to get my emotions out. I still have feelings of isolation or sadness or anxiety but I don’t feel like I have the right to express myself when so many things have gone right for me recently. What do I have to complain about when I know there are so many people still suffering? I know that this blog should be a safe space for me but, like everyone, I worry about what others will think. What you will think. Whether or not somebody will roll their eyes when they read my posts. People might think this is weird but I almost feel more vulnerable expressing my feelings now than when I was going through treatment. My day to day isn’t “interesting” to the outside world anymore. And god damn, I’m so happy it isn’t! My trials and tribulations are just like everyone else’s — a normal 27 year old, trying to figure out the whole work-life-love balance.

After going through cancer, I feel such a large responsibility to myself and every single person who gave me my health back to make the most of life, to be the happiest, healthiest version of myself. But sometimes having pressure to be happy, to be content, to be “living life to the fullest” is overwhelming. I learned so strongly how quickly life can change and so I hate when I feel like I’m “wasting time” or not making the most of everything.

So this was a bit of rant but sometimes that’s when I get my truest feelings out and that’s what I’m going to continue to do, keep being honest and as open as I can be. I’ll keep this blog as a place for what’s going on in my life– whether it’s inspirational or not, it’s what’s happening in my life.

On a brighter note, something that just happened in my life was getting the opportunity to be interviewed for the Red Sox pre-game show with Tom Caron last night to tell my story as a way of raising awareness and garnering funds for the Jimmy Fund. I had an absolute blast and was ready to start handing out my number to the staff to try to get me my own show! haha boy, I just loved it! 🙂 Here are some pics :

Lastly, Mike and I leave for Italy vacation this coming Monday. I went to Dana Farber today and was so relieved to find out that everything still looks good and I’m in the clear to head abroad. I’m beyond excited!

Happy Wednesday all!

Lots of love & light,

Jessy

 

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Batter Up

About 23 years ago, me, my dad and my Bumpa had a special day at Fenway Park– I was lucky enough to be taken into the dugout and meet Johnny Pesky. I got an autographed bat and ball that Mo Vaughn had just practiced with. Being a NH girl, I’d like to think that was the day I fell in love with Boston and all of our sporting greatness. In two weeks, I’ll be back in the dugout. This time, waiting for my chance to take a swing at home plate on the best baseball field in the world. The amazing individuals that work at the Jimmy Fund reached out to me a few weeks ago and asked if I wanted to participate as they offer this experience to patients at  DFCI. At first, I was a little hesitant because although I was quite the softball player in the 90’s, I haven’t swung a bat in many many years. But then I thought, what the heck is the matter with me? When’s the next time I’m going to have the opportunity to bat at Fenway? The answer is probably never so time to pony up and make some memories..

As cool as it is that I get to do this, what’s even cooler is that it’s all in part to raise funds for the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. This amazing day is put on as an effort to raise money for one amazing institution; one that is obviously very near and dear to my heart.

If you can afford to make a donation, please consider doing so. This is an incredible organization, one that not only saves the lives of its own patients but conducts research that is paving the way for treatments, preventions and cures to every kind of cancer– not just in our own backyard but all over the world. By donating to the Jimmy Fund, you are putting dollars towards putting an end to this dreaded disease once and for all. I’d say that’s a pretty great thing to put your hard earned dollars towards!

Here is the link to my fundraising page: http://www.jimmyfundfantasyday.org/2015/jessicamoran

Thank you so much for your support, I appreciate it more than I can put into words.

XOXO,

Jessy

p.s. In honor of my 21st century batting debut, I thought I’d throw it back to my younger years!

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First Championship Parade: Boston Strong!

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Wednesday night, the Red Sox became world champions for the third time in a decade– dynasty. I was in high school when they won it in 2004 and was living in Tampa when they won it for a second time in 2007. Thankfully, 2013 I’m right here in Boston to be able to get in on all the celebratory action. 

With any big championship, although you like to hope that it will happen time and time again for years to come, you just never know when the next time will be so I was ready to take on the city and get the full championship craziness. Saturday morning rolled around and I was up at 7 and making bloodies by 730. Great way to start the day. Mike made a delicious breakfast of potatoes and bacon egg and cheeses– meal of champions right there. Finished up breakfast and popped a bottle of champagne because clearly that’s necessary on a day such as this. Overall, champion choices were being made time and time again before 9am.

Took the train down to City Hall and the energy was electrifying. Everyone out and about dressed in their red, blue and Sox finest. Not like it doesn’t always, but it felt pretty damn good to be a part of this city. The streets were absolutely packed and buzzing with excitement. The parade had begun and we just had to wait for the Duck Boats to arrive on Cambridge Street. After about an hour or so of waiting, the rolling rally was right in front of us. Mike put me on his shoulders so I could see– which really was necessary, as these 5 foot stumpy legs were not helping my cause of seeing anything past the kid in front of me’s baseball hat. Up on the shoulders I went and I suddenly had the best seat in the house. The boats went by and it was so exciting to wave to all the players and see the trophy in person– so shiny and big, it’s quite the sight. I nearly broke Mike’s neck with  the amount I was jumping around up there but I couldn’t help myself– it was like partying with the team, and that, that’s a fun time. 20 minutes later and all that was left on the street was red, white and blue confetti. 

The parade may have ended but the day certainly did not. The streets were still buzzing and every bar in Boston was absolutely packed– just the way I like it. After about 15 minutes of waiting in line, we headed into Hennessey’s (seems to be my go-to place for big days and nights of drankkkking lately) and continued on a glorious day of beers, wings, singing, friends and laughs.

Yesterday reminded me of every reason why I love living in this city. Yes, it may get cold in the winter months and yes, the traffic can be really horrendous at times but the heart of this city is pure perfection. The sports are second to none. The bars and restaurants are absolutely on point. And the people are the most genuine, spirited and big-hearted people you’ll find just about anywhere. There truly is nowhere else in the world I’d rather live. So today, I’m waking up on this cold, rainy Sunday feeling wicked grateful and wicked happy to live in the best city eva, Boston, Massachusetts. 

 Go SOX!

-Jessy