The Guilt of Health

I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I wrote a post. I can blame it on the fact I’ve been quite the busy lady in August, from bachelorette weekends to concerts to Red Sox games to doggy ice cream socials to creating a 6-page itinerary of our upcoming Italy trip, it’s been a whirlwind month but if I’m being honest, there’s another reason I haven’t written too. I have a bit of guilt that’s kept me from writing.  I used to write this blog in a hospital room when I was feeling lonely or sad or scared or upset to get my emotions out. I still have feelings of isolation or sadness or anxiety but I don’t feel like I have the right to express myself when so many things have gone right for me recently. What do I have to complain about when I know there are so many people still suffering? I know that this blog should be a safe space for me but, like everyone, I worry about what others will think. What you will think. Whether or not somebody will roll their eyes when they read my posts. People might think this is weird but I almost feel more vulnerable expressing my feelings now than when I was going through treatment. My day to day isn’t “interesting” to the outside world anymore. And god damn, I’m so happy it isn’t! My trials and tribulations are just like everyone else’s — a normal 27 year old, trying to figure out the whole work-life-love balance.

After going through cancer, I feel such a large responsibility to myself and every single person who gave me my health back to make the most of life, to be the happiest, healthiest version of myself. But sometimes having pressure to be happy, to be content, to be “living life to the fullest” is overwhelming. I learned so strongly how quickly life can change and so I hate when I feel like I’m “wasting time” or not making the most of everything.

So this was a bit of rant but sometimes that’s when I get my truest feelings out and that’s what I’m going to continue to do, keep being honest and as open as I can be. I’ll keep this blog as a place for what’s going on in my life– whether it’s inspirational or not, it’s what’s happening in my life.

On a brighter note, something that just happened in my life was getting the opportunity to be interviewed for the Red Sox pre-game show with Tom Caron last night to tell my story as a way of raising awareness and garnering funds for the Jimmy Fund. I had an absolute blast and was ready to start handing out my number to the staff to try to get me my own show! haha boy, I just loved it! 🙂 Here are some pics :

Lastly, Mike and I leave for Italy vacation this coming Monday. I went to Dana Farber today and was so relieved to find out that everything still looks good and I’m in the clear to head abroad. I’m beyond excited!

Happy Wednesday all!

Lots of love & light,

Jessy

 

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Walking for the place that saved my life. 

To my lovely readers of the Inspiration Initiative,

First off, sorry I haven’t been so active lately. Life has been really busy but exciting (more to that later this week) and I’ve put writing on the back burner. But I’ll get back into it as long as anyone’s still reading it 🙂

ANYWAY, I wanted to let you all know that I have decided to walk in the Jimmy Fund Boston Marathon Walk as an effort to raise funds for Dana Farber Cancer Institute. As you know, I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia in February 2014 and just completed treatment on March 30, 2016. I have my remission to thank for the incredible doctors, nurses and medical staff that took care of me during this long journey. I also have every single scientist, researcher and person who has ever donated to finding a treatment and cure for leukemia. 50 years ago, if I had been diagnosed with this same disease, I would have been given a few weeks to live. Instead, I was given the rest of my life. I am forever grateful to each and every person that played a difference in making my full-length life a reality. 

Beyond the actual medical advances and treatments, what else is of utmost importance are the programs and support that were offered to me and my family during the difficult two years of treatment (and continue to be offered to me). They helped set me up with prior patients of similar age, therapists, conventions, books to read at the clinic, and many other “little things” that created a space and community that I felt supported and comforted by. This is why I have chosen to walk specifically with a the Young Adults Program Team which is a program I took part in and truly found a great sense of hope and help from. The funds that we raise during the walk will in turn go towards this program and allow for future patients to continue to have this offering as well. 

So here’s my ask, if you are available on September 25, 2016, please consider walking the 5K with me in honor of all those people affected by and living with cancer. If you cannot make the walk, I would so SO appreciate your consideration of a donation. Truly, any amount helps. If you can give $5, that’s amazing. if you can give $500, that’s amazing too. Every single dollar gets us closer to a world without cancer. 

And then we can do walks just to burn calories. 

Link to my personal page.

Link to join our ‘Young Adult Program‘ Team.

Link to donate!

Lots of love & light & gratitude,

Jess

Batter Up

About 23 years ago, me, my dad and my Bumpa had a special day at Fenway Park– I was lucky enough to be taken into the dugout and meet Johnny Pesky. I got an autographed bat and ball that Mo Vaughn had just practiced with. Being a NH girl, I’d like to think that was the day I fell in love with Boston and all of our sporting greatness. In two weeks, I’ll be back in the dugout. This time, waiting for my chance to take a swing at home plate on the best baseball field in the world. The amazing individuals that work at the Jimmy Fund reached out to me a few weeks ago and asked if I wanted to participate as they offer this experience to patients at  DFCI. At first, I was a little hesitant because although I was quite the softball player in the 90’s, I haven’t swung a bat in many many years. But then I thought, what the heck is the matter with me? When’s the next time I’m going to have the opportunity to bat at Fenway? The answer is probably never so time to pony up and make some memories..

As cool as it is that I get to do this, what’s even cooler is that it’s all in part to raise funds for the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. This amazing day is put on as an effort to raise money for one amazing institution; one that is obviously very near and dear to my heart.

If you can afford to make a donation, please consider doing so. This is an incredible organization, one that not only saves the lives of its own patients but conducts research that is paving the way for treatments, preventions and cures to every kind of cancer– not just in our own backyard but all over the world. By donating to the Jimmy Fund, you are putting dollars towards putting an end to this dreaded disease once and for all. I’d say that’s a pretty great thing to put your hard earned dollars towards!

Here is the link to my fundraising page: http://www.jimmyfundfantasyday.org/2015/jessicamoran

Thank you so much for your support, I appreciate it more than I can put into words.

XOXO,

Jessy

p.s. In honor of my 21st century batting debut, I thought I’d throw it back to my younger years!

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