Pain & Plateaus

It’s my 25th day here at Brigham & Women’s Hospital. I’m about to tie my first stay, something I never thought I’d do. I’m so drained. I feel mentally and physically exhausted. I haven’t had a meal in almost a month and haven’t even had anything to eat in a week. How is that possible you ask! Because I’m hooked up to a feeding machine that will go home with me when that day comes. It’s been hard for me to put the way I’m feeling into words because it’s like what’s there to say? I’m still here. Still in pain. Still yearning to go home more than anything. Plus, I have been on so much pain medicine that it’s literally hard to put my thoughts into words. I notice this when I’m texting and it takes me 5 minutes to get out a 2 sentence text.

This stay feels different because it came on so unexpectedly. I was home alone on a Friday and I started getting the same stomach pains I had experienced with the pancreatitis a few weeks prior. I called Mike who then called my doctor who then called 911. In a matter of minutes the fire engines and ambulance was at my house and I was hopping into the ambulance. One perk I will say about taking the ambulance at 5 o’clock on a Friday are those sirens. You get there quite a bit faster than doing it yourself, it’s nice to have everyone move

for you. When I got to the emergency room and then ended up telling me the pancreatitis was back, I felt so overwhelmed. I’d already dealt with this. I was just in the hospital for pancreatitis. How could this be happening? I’ve listened to everything the doctors had told me to do. But it’s what happened and it wasn’t anything I had done wrong but simply bad luck. What was to come in the next three weeks would end up being three of the hardest weeks of my life. I gained 40 pounds again and I was unable to walk or get in or out of bed by myself. I felt like a tractor trailer had run me over…I was in so much pain. And to make it worse, I’ve been unable to keep even water down. All these things meshed together and all I could feel is frustration and anger.

I don’t know what else to say but I’m glad I got out everything that’s been going on and how I’ve felt in these past 3 1/2 weeks. It wasn’t a happy post, I know, but it’s real and it’s how I feel. Thank you for listening to me and letting me vent.


Ps since writing this post, I’ve found out that I am scheduled to go home tomorrow!!! Wahoooo! Looks like I should’ve written this post sooner!!!!

Here’s a pic of a highlight of my stay!



15 thoughts on “Pain & Plateaus

  1. Hi Jess, I am so glad you are going home tomorrow, thank you for your post. You are continually in my prayers till you beat this. I have much respect for you girl:) I look forward to seeing good news coming soon.

  2. Jess, you are such an inspiration to everyone! We know all days can’t be full of sunshine and butterflies, especially walking in your shoes. A “venting” session is always needed when you’re feeling down – so vent away! Just remember that it’s just a bad day, not a bad life. Keep fighting the tough fight. You are one strong woman and we’re all cheering you on!

  3. My dear Jessie, you can vent anytime you want to. Do not feel you have to apologize. You are a beautiful and inspirational person. I did not realize you were still in the hospital. I am so happy you will be going home. Take care and be assured a lot of people love you and are pulling for you.
    Love, Auntie Mona

  4. Can’t tell you how much we appreciate your efforts at keeping up with your blog…your courage is so admired. Knowing what you’re are going through reminds us that you need us to keep sending as much energy as we can muster and the airways can carry each day. Go well…wonderful news of your going home. Love, Mary Aileen

  5. Jess, I only wish I could say something that would take all that pain away. Seeing you like this makes me hurt all over for you. I will keep praying that all of a sudden your body will kick-start itself and you will start feeling better. Please let Mike know if there is anything I can do for you. Hang in there Jess, you will get better!!

  6. I showed your video to the chapter on Monday and we are all rooting for you. The brothers especially liked your Beyonce reference.

    Team Jessy!

  7. Jessie, Sorry to hear that your stay was extended. Those Club Med stays should only be a week. WTH! Remember this a bump in the road of life and you will come out of this better than ever. You just take care of yourself and let the rest of us pray for you! Our good mojo, vibes and hearts are routing on you! Go Jessie!

  8. You are so strong I can’t get over it! It breaks my heart to read everything you have had to deal with along the way. Keep fighting girl. You look absolutely gorgeous in that picture btw!

  9. The news we have been waiting to hear, my dear little one, you told this just as it has been. Love, Gram

    Sent from my iPad


  10. Thank you so much for the update, Jessy. I’m sorry that you’ve had such a tough time. I hope you’re resting comfy-cozily in your home. Good healing, healthy thoughts and prayers are constantly being sent to you. ❤ ❤

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