It’s my 25th day here at Brigham & Women’s Hospital. I’m about to tie my first stay, something I never thought I’d do. I’m so drained. I feel mentally and physically exhausted. I haven’t had a meal in almost a month and haven’t even had anything to eat in a week. How is that possible you ask! Because I’m hooked up to a feeding machine that will go home with me when that day comes. It’s been hard for me to put the way I’m feeling into words because it’s like what’s there to say? I’m still here. Still in pain. Still yearning to go home more than anything. Plus, I have been on so much pain medicine that it’s literally hard to put my thoughts into words. I notice this when I’m texting and it takes me 5 minutes to get out a 2 sentence text.
This stay feels different because it came on so unexpectedly. I was home alone on a Friday and I started getting the same stomach pains I had experienced with the pancreatitis a few weeks prior. I called Mike who then called my doctor who then called 911. In a matter of minutes the fire engines and ambulance was at my house and I was hopping into the ambulance. One perk I will say about taking the ambulance at 5 o’clock on a Friday are those sirens. You get there quite a bit faster than doing it yourself, it’s nice to have everyone move
for you. When I got to the emergency room and then ended up telling me the pancreatitis was back, I felt so overwhelmed. I’d already dealt with this. I was just in the hospital for pancreatitis. How could this be happening? I’ve listened to everything the doctors had told me to do. But it’s what happened and it wasn’t anything I had done wrong but simply bad luck. What was to come in the next three weeks would end up being three of the hardest weeks of my life. I gained 40 pounds again and I was unable to walk or get in or out of bed by myself. I felt like a tractor trailer had run me over…I was in so much pain. And to make it worse, I’ve been unable to keep even water down. All these things meshed together and all I could feel is frustration and anger.
I don’t know what else to say but I’m glad I got out everything that’s been going on and how I’ve felt in these past 3 1/2 weeks. It wasn’t a happy post, I know, but it’s real and it’s how I feel. Thank you for listening to me and letting me vent.
Ps since writing this post, I’ve found out that I am scheduled to go home tomorrow!!! Wahoooo! Looks like I should’ve written this post sooner!!!!
Here’s a pic of a highlight of my stay!