Hunger Pains

I’m so hungry. Literally, all I can think about is food. And that’s because I can barely have any.

Tomorrow will be two weeks since I got pancreatitis and one thing I learned is that it’s no joke and it’s no fun. I’ve been home from the hospital for 3 days now and my stomach is no better than it was a week ago. There’s a constant feeling of uncomfortableness that hums throughout the day and then after I eat I get sharp stabbing pains. This type of suffering would maybe be worth it if I was eating delicious food… pizza, nachos, mac n cheese…. things of that nature. But instead I’m only allowed to have low fat, fat free and dairy free. Things in the realm of low-fat soups, saltines, fresh fruit, steamed broccoli, grilled chicken.. none of the above are worth a painful aftermath. I’m still not sure how long that regimen will last but I was told that it could be up to a year until I’m fully able to eat everything I once was. Here’s to hoping it doesn’t take that long. I’m a buff chix nachos type of girl and having that taken away really bites the big one.
Although my thoughts are being consumed with “I wish I could eat this” and “Ughhh my stomach hurts so bad,” I also am thinking about what tomorrow will bring. Tomorrow is another big day as I meet with my doctors about where we go from here. Since one of the main chemotherapy drugs that I have been on is what caused the pancreatitis, the risk is too great to continue on with that specific drug. I was scheduled to get ten doses and I had only gotten four so far meaning I won’t get 6 of the scheduled treatments sessions. And not finishing up a session of my treatment plan, well that’s scary. Scary because if that’s what my doctors knew to be the best chance of beating this, what does it mean now that I won’t be getting them all? Hopefully there are alternative drugs and avenues we can take but it definitely makes me nervous to think we’re not going with the strongest option. So tomorrow I’ll once again be at the hands of my doctors.
On a positive note, I’ve been working on a homemade chicken noodle soup all day that I will be having for dinner tonight. The chicken is shredded, the veggies look soft and I used whole wheat egg noodles that look delicious. So cheers to it turning out good and me getting a yummy meal in my tummy.
p.s. in honor of being unable to crush food, here’s a pic of me mowing two breakfasts before treatment a few months ago!

9 thoughts on “Hunger Pains

  1. Hope you can eat soon sending prayers and thoughts for tomorrow that your doctors tell you some good news feel better!

  2. Hi Jessy;

    I know of you through my children and have been an avid reader of your very inspirational blog from the beginning. Your strength, insight, and true gift to articulate this journey truly amaze me.

    I can relate to a bit of what you’re going through because I am bc survivor. I too got pancreatitis during my treatments and a large ulcer. Eating was really tough for a bit — but, it lasted just a few weeks after they got my med’s adjusted — fingers crossed for you, honey. The one thing that I can TOTALLY relate to is the fear of changing the cocktail to fight the beast. My tiny bit of advice is that you place all of your trust in those amazing doctors that you chose. Wasting precious time worrying about the things you have no control over IS something you can have control over. We relinquish so much control during treatment that doing what we have to do to control what we can (our thought process) is empowering (do you think I used the word ‘control’ enough within that paragraph? 🙂 ). I know it’s so much easier said than done — but, I can see you have the strength and fortitude, Jessy. Let’s face it — this entire situation sucks donkey balls! There is no way around the fact that you are walking through a very intense fire — but, you will get to the other side with blessings that you never imagined.

    You are in my constant thoughts and prayers — and I thank you for sharing your story. Again, you are such an inspiration.

    Big, gentle, hugs to you,

    Laurie Sienko

    • Thank you SO much for sharing with me Laurie and for the kind words of support. It makes me smile knowing my blog has touched people I’ve never even met and makes me feel truly blessed.

  3. Jessy, you have many gifts/talents — but, writing is right up there as one of the very special ones. Don’t ever stop. Perhaps one day we’ll see your book on the NY Times Best Seller List and your name in lights! Once you get through this journey — and compile all of the stories, you’ll have an entire series worth to write about. 🙂

  4. Jess,

    I roomed with your dad for 2 years at St. Bonaventure and consider him a good man and friend even though I have let daily life intervene and we haven’t spoken in many years now. You and I have actually met but since you were just a cute little tyke at the time I doubt you could remember.

    I was stunned to learn last weekend that you had leukemia and am now reading through your blog for the first time. Your honesty, courage and sense of humor are wonderful to observe – even though I wish with all my heart that you weren’t in the position where you had to display them to the world.

    As a member of a family that has had several fights with cancer I would like to let you know that this stuff can be beaten. My nephew was diagnosed with leukemia just before he was supposed to enter kindergarten. According to his doctors in Austin, TX he came within hours, maybe minutes, of dying at the time due to shutdown of his internal organs. He is now entering his sophomore year at Texas A&M (yeah, he is an Aggie, and a Yankee fan to boot – no stories are perfect I guess) and has been cancer free for more than a dozen years.

    Please ride the roller coaster the best you can. Cherish your victories even though sometimes they may seem small in comparison to your ultimate goal and don’t let the setbacks overwhelm you. The blog looks like a great idea – use it as a shield/weapon/friend in your fight. We will be reading and fighting with you.

    Dave Walsh

    P.S. I saw that you had $2,293 raised for the Jimmy Fund walk later this month. Didn’t seem like a good round number to me so I kicked in $207 to get you to an even $2,500. I bet you will triple your personal goal before it is over. Well done.

    • Hi Dave, thank you so much for reaching out and with such kind words of support. Hearing stories such as your nephews is so comforting and helpful. Also, I can’t thank you enough for your donation! That is so amazing and I really just appreciate it so so much. Lots of love!

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