Twists & Turns

At 25 I never expected to know what it’s like to have a catheter put in, but I do now. That’s what happens when you gain 45 pounds in 2 days and physically can’t get out of bed.

Last Wednesday, I had a long day planned for the hospital. I was to go in, get my bone marrow biopsy and then another round of the chemo cocktail. But I was happy because that night, there was a pizza party planned at our little palace as one of my best friends was in from Chicago and staying with Mike and I. Unlucky for me, the pizza party never happened. I had known it would be a long day, 8 hours maybe, but little did I know hours would turn into days/weeks before going home. My mom held my hand as the biopsy was conducted and when it was all done, we went to the “infusion” area to get set up for chemo. Quickly I started getting bad stomach pains that grew into horrific, stabbing pains all over my abdomen. So with that, my mom, my nurse and my doctor rushed over to the ER where we discovered that I had acute pancreatitis. Unlike an appendix that you can just remove, you need your pancreas to live. So the only “cure” is to get on massive pain killers, stop drinking and eating and get absolutely drowned with fluids. I’m talking pumped with so much fluids that I went from 114 pounds Wednesday morning to 160 by Friday. (“Buzz’s girlfriend…WOOF!) As laughable as it is that I gained that much weight, it unfortunately is extremely painful and made me unable to move, stand or walk by myself. Saturday I stood for the first time with lots of help. Sunday I stood for longer and Monday I got a walker to begin to walk again. It’s unbelievable how your body can change so dramatically, so quickly but it can. The good news is that over a week later, I’m recovering nicely and the doctors are proud of how far I’ve come in a short amount of time.

The most frustrating part about this is that the cancer didn’t cause this. This wasn’t one of the shit weeks I’d planned for. This happened unexpected and is a rare side effect that can happen as a result to one of the main forms of chemo that I have been receiving and was planned to continue on for for the next few months. Now, however, I won’t be able to get that kind of chemo because the risks are just too great of this happening again and the outcome being more dramatic than a 45 pound weight gain.

I like to think that I’ve gotten good at taking what life throws at me but this is a hard one to shake. I mean, not to be a baby, but isn’t leukemia enough? Why’d I have to also get pancreatitis? Do I not already have enough restrictions in my life that it was necessary to now add extreme dietary ones? Have I not been poked and prodded enough or did I really need to have more things stuck into me? It just seems so unfair. I feel like I got struck by lightening and then a cat came and pissed right on me. Just so unnecessary.

But unnecessary as it seems to me right now, that’s life and I’ve gotta roll with the punches. My new goal is getting out of this hospital (although I was lucky enough to get back on the best floor in town and have the best nurses in the entire world. Kristen if you’re reading this, THANK YOU AGAIN, you an angel!) and get back to my bed and my life.

I’m off to have some chicken broth for breakfast. Thanks for letting me vent and I’ll end on a GREAT note: in the midst of everything going on this weekend, my doctor came in with the results from my bone marrow biopsy on Wednesday and my marrow was completely clear of any leukemia cells!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!

Xoxox,
Jess

PS here’s a highlight of the week
when my niece came to visit after not seeing her in over a month!! (She was being a world traveler instead of hanging in Manch, NBD)

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21 thoughts on “Twists & Turns

  1. If He brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it! I don’t understand your pain of cancer, but I do understand all the other aspects of being handed one thing after another. You can do this and become so much better because of it! Keep fighting the good fight! ❤

  2. I recently started following your blog. Yours is an inspirational life. Few can get creative in the face of adversity. My best wishes for your recovery.
    Another noteworthy thing is the best wishes that your readers pour in, just reminding us that deep down, we still have some good left in all of us 🙂

  3. I’m so sorry that you have to go through all of this week after week sweetie. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I do believe that God has a plan for you to support others with cancer. I don’t know if it’s in writing or if perhaps you’re meant to be a speaker, but with your fabulous outlook on life and your circumstances, I can’t believe anything else. May God keep you in the palm of His hand and bless you in ways that you cannot right now imagine. xoxo

  4. Dear Jesse,
    So happy to hear your feeling better. You are such an inspiration to all of us. So many people are storming heaven on your behalf. Your right nobody know why these things happen but in good time God will let you know. Love you and will keep storming heaven. Auntie Mona

  5. So very grateful to hear the great biopsy news! You are truly an inspiration to anyone that knows you, Jess. The picture of you and your beautiful niece brings a tear to my eye, and a smile to my heart. THANK YOU for sharing. xoxo

  6. Stay strong Jess…….yeah, easy for me to say! Sometimes you pop into my head during the day…..you do, ya know……I say a prayer of healing, close my eyes and softly blow, as though I’m trying to push you through another day. You are going to beat this….and like each inspirational day you live…….you will be helping someone else going through hell, knowing there is the ‘other’ side of cancer. xox…

  7. So glad you are feeling a little better….you and your Mom have been on my mind all week! I love to read your blog, no matter what life throws at you, you find something positive. Very happy to hear the news of the biopsy results! Hang in there…

  8. You are one of the strongest people that we know! Keep rolling with the punches you got this. Xxx

    Love,
    Chelsea and Yiayia

    Ps. Yiayia said, when your better you two can go clubbing lol.

  9. I know I keep saying it dear Jessica… but YOU ARE ONE Wonderful AMAZING WOMAN!! Not to many of us would be willing to search for the positive and good after the hell of a week you had.
    Bless you. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. So Glad you got great news from ur bone marrow results sorry u had such a rough week praying you stay strong and feel better! Hugs!

  11. Jessica, You never cease to amaze me! I know your Mom always has a sunny outlook but how you can, when you’ve been through so much, is remarkable. Hope each day is brighter and brighter for you. Your blog is always so inspirational, too. Thanks for taking the time to share and send that adorable picture of you and Eleni. A real keeper! I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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