Hard Times, Good Times

I started writing this blog post last week and never finished. I went back and read it this morning and realized in one short week how things have already changed. Here’s what I wrote…

“The past four months have probably been the worst four months of my life. Not the most uplifting way to start a blog post but it’s the truth. During these months, I’ve struggled to stay positive and truly feel happy. Partially because of the unexpectedness of the pancreatitis. It seems so unfair that I would get that on top of leukemia. Because other than that my chemo caused the pancreatitis, it has nothing to do with the cancer. It’s only delayed my treatment, caused me a lot of pain and laid me up in the hospital three too many times. …. even when I’m doing “fun” things, my mind races to that things aren’t normal. That I can’t have a drink. That I can’t have a french fry. That I have to be home early to hook up to a feeding tube. That I’ve simply been hooking up to a feeding tube for over two months now. That I’m not at work. The list goes on and on. 
 
I’m hoping that the end of this funk is coming near as sometime in January I’ll be FINALLY going back to work and I think that will help immensely. But I wanted to write this blog post so I remember how I felt at this moment. These days are long and tiring. Each day I feel different, whether it be emotional or physical. I have a hard time sleeping and my mind always seems to run back to “i have cancer.” I spend half the day sleeping and another portion watching TV. I can’t take that anymore. I want to do, I want to be productive. But sometimes it’s too hard, I’m too tired. Today I was tired. I got out of my pajamas at 4 o’clock to run to the grocery store to get things for Thanksgiving. I love being in pajamas but when that’s all you have everyday, getting dressed up becomes a privilege. Overall, things have just been really tough.”

Well it’s funny what a few days, family, friends and good food can do. I had the best four days I’ve had in a really long time. Thanksgiving was wonderful as I got to see my whole family and grandparents and snuggle with my love bug of a niece. Then Friday I got to see a bunch of my best friends from high school at a fabulous Friendsgiving party! Saturday, Mike and I got our Christmas tree and started decorating for Christmas (my ballerina reindeer are up which makes this girl VERY happy). Then we headed out to a housewarming/birthday party at one of our good friends house which was a blast. Sunday we just stayed around the house and decorated for Christmas, made some turkey chili and watched the Pats. It was a busy but perfect few days and it was just what I needed to help get me out of that funk. I felt so happy to see my friends and family and get to spend four days with Mike. Times like this weekend I’m reminded why I’m so blessed. It helped change my mindset and brought me a sense of happiness that I haven’t felt these past four months. There are still hard days ahead (most likely a lot of them) and I will have to keep working on feeling normal and feeling happy but I’m thankful for last weekend as it brought both those things back into my life.
XOXO,
Jessy
10644975_645107349255_2812774749448641054_n
535943_10154978945550454_3427120227250100172_n
10170847_10154796352965408_7374127296799120579_n
Advertisements

A Different St. Paddys Day Weekend

St. Patricks Day weekend is one of the many many reasons why I love living in the beautiful city of Boston. This weekend here is like no other– so full of excitement, energy and plain fun!Honestly, I was very disappointed about having to miss all the shenanigans that go along with this wild weekend but it is what it is. Luckily for this little Irish girl, I was able to have a nice day with lots of visitors! After three weeks of not being able to snuggle my favorite princess, my doctors said that I could have Eleni come in to see me. It’s amazing what a child can do for a soul…it literally made my heart feel better to give her hugs and kisses. Then some fabulous girlfriends came to chat, shower me with St. Paddys Day bling and give me some much needed girl time gossip! My parents and brother came later in the afternoon and unfortunately I wasn’t feeling well by the end of the day, but it was nice to have them here to be there with me during a not-so-great time.

Busy day for this lady but an even bigger day tomorrow. If my neutrophil count goes up to 500 (basically a number they give to my immune system), I could be going home. I’m trying not to get my hopes up but that’s basically impossible. I want to breathe fresh air, see the sun, lay in my bed, eat a home cooked meal. I want that so bad. So tonight, I’m saying an extra Irish blessing in my prayers and hoping I get my wish to go home tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a special weekend. Enjoy the week ahead!

XOXO,
Jessy

20140316-213108.jpg

A Beautiful New Baby Girl

Jeesh, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve written a post and I’m not sure how the time slipped away.

SO big news in my family and in my life– I am officially an Auntie. Eleni Kathryn was born at 5:30 am on September 28, 2013 weighing 6 lbs 7 oz! She is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on– big blue eyes, a FULL head of curly dark hair, the softest skin I’ve ever touched, a tiny round nose that’s as cute as a button and the most fabulous smirk I’ve ever seen an infant give. The past 9 months have gone by in the blink of an eye (however I’m sure my sister would disagree with that) and it’s both so exciting and relieving to have her here with us. I was surprised at how nervous I felt the weeks leading up to the due date– the overwhelming feeling of concern for not only the baby but for my sister. Millions of women give birth every day but when it’s the one you love going through it, it’s a whole different experience and something I really didn’t expect.

So without further ado, here is my beautiful baby niece…

eleni 2

Eleni1
eleni

eleni laughing
dd5bda64286111e3917022000ae9141e_7

 

To my little Eleni: I feel so blessed to have you in my life and to have you as my niece and my goddaughter. My hope for you is that you grow up to be a smart, kind, independent and loving person. I hope you don’t take life too seriously and you have the ability to love hard and love often. I hope your life is filled with laughter because if there’s anything I believe, it’s that laughing can make just about anything better. I love you to the moon and back.

Xoxo,

‘Auntie’ Jessy