Glorious Life

I did something stupid today. I clicked and clicked and clicked through old pictures on Facebook. One by one I went further and further back in time. It was like sinking into a hole. A hole of memories of fun times, times with my family and friends and even coworkers that I want back so bad. Looking back at these pictures make me smile because I’ve had such an amazing life but they bring me down as well because I miss that life so much. Mike and I used to always say we have such a “glorious life.” After fun weekends and things we’d do together, we’d always look at each other and say “ughh glorious life, glorious life!” Today when I was scrolling through the pictures, I realized we haven’t said that in a long time. And that, that made me sad.

I haven’t written a post in a week and that’s because I’ve honestly been busy! My amazing mother has taken time off of work to be with me during the days. She did it for two reasons, one being that I’m connected to a feeding tube for 14 hours at night and I need help getting disconnected in the morning. Second and honestly more important is to just be with me during the day so that I don’t have to be by myself all day, everyday. I was trying to make it work but spending all day by yourself is draining and depressing so having her here has made a huge difference. We’ve gone apple picking, painted our nails, visited with my niece, done some shopping, baked breads, gone for long walks and this morning we even went to a fashion show at Saks Fifth Avenue (boy were we rubbing elbows with the other half!). I’m so lucky that she’s able to do this for me.
Keeping busy when I can and having my mom with me has made my days so much better. They go by faster and I’m happier getting to interact with people and getting to spend so much quality time with my mom. But our “glorious life” still feels like it’s on pause right now which is hard. There’s an empty, bland sort of feeling you get inside when you don’t feel like you’re living your life to the fullest of potential. In reality, I know that I’m not “not living life to the fullest of potential” (because God knows i’m trying) but sometimes it feels like that when I’m stuck at home or sitting in the waiting room of the hospital (which is 75% of the visits). There’s just so much time waiting, sitting, resting, that my mind begins to wander off to what my life was or used to be. But as my mom reminded me today, I’ll get it back. It’ll never be the same but maybe it’ll be better. I’m going to keep on fighting, with the help of my family and friends, until saying “glorious life” is back into my repertoire of weekly phrases.
XOXO,
Jessy
here’s my crazy but incredible mother. aka Mom-cologist!
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6 thoughts on “Glorious Life

  1. Jessy, I have never met you but I am friends of your sister and brother in law. I want to start off by saying that you are simply an amazing woman and a true inspiration! I have followed your blog for a while and i am in awe of your positivity and ability to look at the silver lining in such a difficult situation. Although your old glorious life seems like a distant memory, I am confident that you will be looking back at pictures from this time in your life in a few years and feeling so proud and strong from all that you have overcome!!! I’m sorry for the long comment but I hope you can hang in there and continue to be the fighter that you’ve been for so long….wishing you very good health and all the best in your life!!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words Stephanie, they mean so much. And I think you’re right about looking back at pictures from this time in a few years. I like how you think! Thanks again!

  2. Wow so glad u get to spend time with ur mom u are such a brave and beautiful women who is so inspiring with all that you are going though my mom died from this so you really inspire me ! Hugs and prayers!

  3. Jessy –

    You, your words and your strength is beyond inspiring. You are such an amazing person and the relationship you have with your mom is beautiful. There is no doubt in my mind that with your strength, determination and the love of everyone around you that you are going to be to that glorious life in no time at all.

  4. That glorious life will be even more. I promise. You have so many new angels in your life that will remain, forever. You have a new appreciation of being truly loved through something pretty yucky. That love is almost as powerful as the medicine we have to endure because of this awful disease. You have a new appreciation for life, health and living to the fullest.
    Yes, Jessy — an even more glorious life is ahead. ❤

  5. Jessy,
    Have not left a note in a while. I am so glad that you are home, and enjoying some fun time with Mom….nothing like laughter, love and some fun things to make life seem “normal” again. Think of that TPN as a big pina colada that is making you stronger:-)
    Mom continues to keep me updated as I am not on Face Book (probably the only living soul who is not…LOL) So glad for the both of you that she was able to get time off from work and be with you to do whatever. No one can take this time away from you….embrace it….
    Prayers continue as always to come your way. Good Luck with all your upcoming appointments…..Continue to be the strong person you are…..Love, Connie

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