Little Life Lessons Learned

Yesterday was exactly one month from when I found out that I had leukemia. One month into what will be a long two years. I’m only one month in but in this one month I’ve learned more about life and what matters than I have in twenty-five years. And for that I’m grateful.

I’ve learned that you’re in this life by yourself — with or without you, the world is going to keep spinning and the sun will keep shining and that you have to find the strength within yourself to keep going even when life gives you a not-so-great hand.

I’ve learned at the exact same time that you’re nothing without your family and friends and that there is literally not one thing more important in this life than the relationships you create. Material items mean nothing. It’s the people that you surround yourself with that are important. They will be the ones to pick you up when you’ve fallen, tell you they love you and give you more hugs, kisses and support than you think you deserve.

I’ve learned to take help when you need it. Don’t let pride get in your way– people won’t offer to help if they don’t want to. So take it.

I’ve learned that I’m a lot stronger than I realized. That keeping a positive attitude in tough times, continuing to smile and believing in yourself is half the battle.

I’ve learned the power of a laugh. I’ve always loved laughing… who doesn’t? But I realized while Mike and I were driving to the grocery store two days ago and were hysterically laughing about something that that was the happiest I had been in a while. There’s really no better feeling (or therapy for that matter) than a good belly laugh. Laughter is happiness.

I’ve learned that faith matters– for me, it’s not about going to church and reciting memorized prayers but truly believing that there is something bigger in this life, something that can give you strength when you can’t seem to find it by yourself.

I’ve learned the power of being a good person. That doing little things for others matters. Bringing happiness to others brings happiness to your own life. Life’s a big circle and you will only get what you give.

I’ve learned that appearances matter more than they should but it’s just a reality of life. I’ve been very blessed to never have many self-image issues in the past but I find myself struggling the most right now with how I look. People say it doesn’t matter, it’s what’s inside that counts. And that’s true. But I still find myself avoiding mirrors as when I look at the reflection, it’s hard to see myself. Whether it should be or not, I’ve learned that feeling good about yourself and how you look really is an important part of life.

I’ve learned that doctors and nurses are literally angels that walk among us. They sacrifice their lives and time with their own family and friends to save other peoples lives. I have such admiration and gratitude for what they do.

I’ve learned the power of music. Music has always been a huge part of my life but it’s helped me in the past month more than I thought possible. Music helps you truly feel emotions whether they’re happy or sad. A song can help you get out of bed in the morning, make shaving your hair off a little easier, take you back to a special memory or point in time, or bring calmness to your day when it’s getting overwhelming.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how long you go without talking to someone, if you made a difference in each others lives, you’ll always have a place in each others heart.

I’ve learned that people are good. There are bad people in this world but there are far more caring, generous and loving individuals. People that will go out of their way to make someone else’s day better and bring happiness to someone else’s life other than their own.

Lastly, I’ve learned that I honestly enjoy a frosty mug of beer, freshly poured glass of wine or recently shaken dirty martini. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am going to miss these little pleasures, A LOT, in the upcoming months. And ya know what? There’s nothing wrong with that.

You don’t need a cancer diagnosis to learn important lessons about life but you do need to learn things for yourself. Because as much as you hear or read about life lessons, they really only sink in until you come to the conclusions for yourself.

So one month in and I’m feeling optimistic. Feeling optimistic about my life, where it’s going and all the lessons I’ll continue to learn along this unexpected but important chapter of my life.

Xoxo,

Jessy

p.s. (cuz I love p.s.’s… and Sloths. Here’s a fab motivational picture my friend Amanda at work created for me. Talk about people going above and beyond to make you happy. Thanks girrrrrrrl.)

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Day 22

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Today is the twenty second day of being here at Brigham & Women’s Hospital, floor 7D. Today I cried. Today, like almost every other day, I woke up to doctors coming in my room to examine me and ask me questions. It really wasn’t unlike most other days but for some reason today I hit a wall. I hit a wall of “I want my life back.” I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to have a thousand people pop their heads in “my” room. I don’t want to be in this room. I don’t want one more hospital or frozen meal. I don’t want to poked at and given shots. I don’t want my vitals taken. I don’t want write down how much I’m peeing. I don’t want my fingertips to feel numb. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t. 

I am closer than I have been to going home but I’m feeling farther away from it today. I need to remember all the good things that I have my life and that’s exactly what I’m going to do with this blog. Number one good thing in my life? The people. I am so fortunate to have the most amazing support group and they have helped me get through these twenty two days better than I ever would’ve expected myself to.

I’m lucky that every morning I’ve had a card to open with my breakfast, filled with loving and meaningful words that brighten my spirit and help me feel rejuvenated. This has something that truly has made such a difference in making each day better and I know that not every patient is as lucky. For that, I am so thankful.  

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I’m lucky to not only work for a fabulous company currently that has been so incredibly supportive during this hard time and have sent me gifts, well-wishes and most importantly VISITORS but I’m lucky that that I also have worked for another unbelievably thoughtful company in the past who although I no longer work there took the time to create the most beautiful gift. An origami mobile filled with words of inspiration and encouragement from coworkers. It’s bright, beautiful and unique –I can’t wait until it’s hanging in my home.  

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I’m lucky that everybody wants me to have soft lips….

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I’m lucky that I met the most amazing group of girlfriends in college. Friends that will last my entire lifetime. Friends that make me laugh harder and smile bigger than just about anything. Friends that, although scattered literally across the continental U.S. somehow were able to work together to all pitch in and surprise me with the most beautiful bracelet I’ve ever seen. A bracelet that is engraved and corresponds with the longitude and latitude coordinates of where we all met– Tampa. This gift literally took my breath away because how could it not? How blessed am I to have people this thoughtful in my life? So to my Tampa Betches, you girls have and will always have my heart. 

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I’m lucky that I have the two best friends by my side through this whole thing. Who are more like sisters to me than friends. They’re both always here. Both always have been and always will be. And there’s nothing better than that. 

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I’m lucky that people have, simply put, spoiled me. Spoiled me with the softest blankets to ever touch a BWH bed, the fluffiest stuffed animals in all the land, copious amounts of candy, reading material to last me a year, endless tools to make me the craftiest Somervillian of all time, and most importantly my own personalized bottles of Sweet Baby Ray’s Buffalo Wing Sauce.

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I’m lucky that I have the most supportive family I could ever dream of. A sister that’s my best friend and talks to me every day and sees me every chance she gets. A brother-in-law that makes even hard situations a funny one. A little brother that has traveled back from NYC too many times to see me and be with me. Grandparents that text with me everyday (yup, that’s right. Every single one of my grandparents text!) Parents that have been to this hospital almost every single day to give me hugs and kisses and the love that I need more anything else right now. And of course, a niece that sends me stupid adorable pics of herself every day that make me happier than I can even describe. 

(I’ll take any chance I get to show off how adorable this baby is. seriously. she needs to become a baby model— get on that Courtney.) 

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I’m lucky that this guy has slept next to me…in a cot. Every. Single. Night. All 22 days. He didn’t need to do that, but he does it because it makes me feel safe and happy. He does it because he loves me, a lot. And that makes me the luckiest girl in the entire world. 

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So I started writing this blog a little down in the dumps and now, now I feel better. Because how can I not? I have SO much to be thankful for and to feel lucky about. 

I’m off to paint. 

XOXO,

Jessy 

p.s. Here’s the last thing I feel lucky for…I feel lucky that I didn’t choose this 1980’s Metal Band Rockstar Wig. 

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