3 years ago on this morning, I was in a hospital bed being woken by doctors and nurses. I was about to start one of the most physically painful and emotionally draining days of my life. I had just been diagnosed and rushed to the hospital the night before and today was the day I had to undergo multiple tests and procedures to determine just what kind of leukemia I had. January 21, 2014 was a day of absolute unknown and terror of what lie ahead.
3 years later I’m waking up in my own bed with no beeping machines or nurses poking me for blood. Instead I can hear my wind chime outside, birds chirping and Phoebe is snuggled up next to me demanding for scratchies. I’m wearing an engagement ring and get to marry the love of my life in 5 months. I’m going out to dinner with my best friend of 25 years tonight for her birthday. My life is in such a different place than it was on this day in 2014, it’s almost mind boggling.
3 years from today is still unknown. However, this time, fear has been replaced with excitement. Where will Mike & I be living? What will I be doing for work? Will I be a mom? There’s so much more living to do. There’s so much more I’m looking forward to and I feel beyond blessed that I get to feel these feelings of excitement and joy.
The beauty, and tragedy, in life is the same. You never know what life has in store for you. You never know if the hopes and dreams you have for yourself will be realized. But you do know that you have today, and this moment and this breath. So make the most of it. Enjoy it, savor it and soak up the sunshine that is your life.
Sending each and everyone of you – those who have my followed my blog from the beginning and those who have just found it- so much love and gratitude. I am thankful everyday for the prayers and positive energy that you have sent my way to get me to this day.
Love & light,
The bone marrow biopsies are a thing of the past. It was a stressful morning as things got pushed back and I didn’t end up being taken in until 12:30. So while we waited, we took pics…obviously.
Then I was taken in and I had to take a pic with my most fabulous doctor who has done all my spinal taps and all my bone marrow biopsies since the beginning. Not only is she the most fashionable lady at the Dana but she also is the absolute sweetest.
Now it was time to get suited up- and tis the bunny season, I just had to…
So then it was time to chill with the silliness and get this thing some and over with!
(Warning:this is a little graphic but Mike took it and I found it fascinating as I’ve obviously never seen it from this angle!)
And just like that, I took my last “big breath”, Susan pulled the marrow and it was over. I instantly started crying but it was tears of such joy, relief and gratitude. I felt so empowered and so strong in that moment. I have hated this procedure every time, I have always gotten so worked up before and after as I wait for the results. But the reality is, it’s out of my control now. I’ll get the results next week and I really feel deep in my heart that the leukemia is out of my body so the moment just hit me so hard, like WOW, I’m really almost done. The finish line isn’t around the corner anymore- it’s right there, I just have a few more steps until I cross that yellow line.
As always, Michael was there by my side. Today, actually holding onto my feet, but right there with me, making sure Halo was being played at the appropriate time and loving me with everything he has. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I really am the luckiest girl in the world.
With that, I’m making myself a bowl of ice cream and continuing to relax on the couch with my two loves for the night. Thank you for the millionth time to everyone who said a little prayer for me, I owe you big time.
Lots of love & light,
I came home to the most beautiful and meaningful present I’ve received in quite some time. Maybe ever! My beautiful and thoughtful friend Maija sent me a “lokai” bracelet. On it, there is a black bead that holds mud from The Dead Sea, the lowest point on earth. This signifies the difficult moments you experience throughout life and reminds you to stay hopeful even at life’s lowest moments. It also has a white bead that carries water from Mount Everest, the highest point on earth. This bead signifies life’s highest moments. It’s those times when you’re feeling on top of the world, that it’s important to stay humble.
Secretly (or maybe not so secretly, who knows) I’ve been having a little bit of a hard time mentally lately. I’ve been feeling like this journey is never ending; like I’ll never get back to my life, get back to my normal. So after a long day at work, coming home to find this on the table was the most wonderful thing I could have ever asked for and just what I needed. It made me feel so loved and so lucky. Because I am lucky. Yes, I am going through something difficult, but so does everybody in life. What’s important is that you remain positive and remember that things will get better. Hope is an invaluable feeling and this bracelet will be a daily reminder to be just that, hopeful and humble.
Thank you to my beautiful Mai Tie, I am so lucky to have you in my life.
Lots of love & light,