A Little Flailing Never Killed Anyone

That penguin 🐧 falling in this pic…that’s me. Or at least that’s how I feel. Except I feel like I’m not falling as gracefully as this little guy, I’m doing a little more flailing. 

Almost two weeks into diving off the career cliff, I’m still trying to grow those wings. I’m now past the feeling of just excitement not to be in an office everyday; I’ve organized the closets, done a lot of cleaning, laundry and cooking. I’ve even created a makeshift laundry room and office in our basement. I’m good at keeping myself physically busy but I’ve got some work to do in order to keep my thoughts and anxiety in check. I have finally begun to do more than browse  for jobs and I find myself wrinkling my nose to all of them. I read these descriptions and literally say “ughhh” to them. And then I get stressed when I’ve been looking for an hour and haven’t applied to one because they all seem dreadful. I don’t want to be snobby or unrealistic in my search but I also feel like I took this risk to find a job that I really enjoy and feel passionate about so I don’t want to just apply to anything. 

Someone recently told me, “you can’t rush the Universe” and she’s right, I can’t. But MANNNN do I want to rush it. I’m so uncomfortable in this awkward stage of life, I feel icky saying I’m unemployed, I get frustrated when I try hard to think about what “I want to do” and can’t figure it out. But then I feel happy when I’m walking along the Mystic  with Phoebe and grateful when I get to spend time cooking a nice meal for Mike & I. Someone, save me from my own wishy-washy-ness!!! 

I do know, however, that I’m the only one who can save me from me and can free me of negative thoughts or insecurities I have about myself. In order to move myself forward, I need to make a conscious effort to correct myself when I put myself down about not having a job and being a “low-life” because of it. Making this effort will help my wings grow, even if it’s just by centimeters,  I believe they’ll grow if I believe in myself.

And the reality is, we all can apply this thinking to our everyday life. It could be making a conscious effort to stop telling yourself you’re fat because you havent been to the gym recently or you’re not good enough because you don’t own a big house or you’re stupid because you didn’t get into the college of your choice. Whatever it is that you’re putting yourself down about, try to stop. Simply notice when you say these things to yourself or to others. Pause, take a breath and realize that you are good enough. You are exactly where you’re meant to be, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Grow those wings!

Lots of love & light,

Jessy 

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4 thoughts on “A Little Flailing Never Killed Anyone

  1. Jessy! I’m proud of you! You brave girl. I’ve been trying to mind my own business; but, am a Stinson thus it’s not possible!!! I suggest you look at university jobs. Working on a campus is a world unto itself. The atmosphere of youth and hope is fun. You live in a town of higher learning. It’s just a suggestion. Universities have many job opportunities- most with tuition reimbursement too!

    Whatever you do, will be right for you. Live your life with faith and honesty to yourself and you can’t go wrong!
    Xoxo,
    Meg

    • Never “mind your own business,” I love getting suggestions and so so so appreciate them! I’ve thought about looking into university’s so am excited that you mentioned that. Thank you for the kind words and support! Hope you’re doing well. Lots of love! Xo

  2. Very wise words Jess. Why are we so hard on ourselves? It is very very good for us to honor ourselves and appreciate the gift of who we are.

    I could also easily relate to.. You can’t rush the Universe.. I want things last week!!!

    Keep enjoying what you are doing and when that just right opportunity comes along you will know it. The Universe truly wants the best for us. I am learning to trust and walk too.

    Much love to you,
    Assunta

    • Thank you for reaching out Assunta. I so believe that the universe does want what’s best for us but sometimes it’s just so hard to wait for it. Hope you are staying warm in this weather! Sending much love!

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