Tomorrow I start my third weekend of the yoga training. The past three months I’ve had to step out of my comfort zone on multiple occasions. Teaching is way harder and more intimidating than I would’ve anticipated. At the same, it’s exciting to have butterflies in my stomach about something again. Because, honestly, it’s been a while since I really cared about something so much that it made me nervous. Yes, there’s the nerves involved with getting up in front of a group of peers but what I’ve found more stressful is proving to myself that I not only can do this but I can be good at it. I’ve made a choice, one which feels big to me, to explore this path so there’s self-induced pressure to put everything I have into this—to excel at this. Although in the past I’ve always felt confident public speaking, this feels much different than those experiences for a few different reasons. One, I can’t have notes meaning I have to be comfortable with ‘winging it’ (and I am NOT a ‘winger’ lady). And secondly, when I think about the amount this practice has emotionally and spiritually given me, I want to be able to give that those I teach one day.
The other thing that has been surprising in this process is how much I have to learn—it is almost endless. There’s so much more than the postures that have to do with yoga. Every month I have a new book to finish, articles to read, theories to comprehend, — topics like the energetic chakra systems, the history of yoga, the sutras, even the human anatomy! Many times, I’ve thought to myself how funny it is because I feel like I’m back at school- I’m coming home from work at night and needing to take the time to read and take notes rather than relax, I have homework, I’m practicing speaking out loud, I’m physically doing yoga. But the reality is, this time, the work feels different. Growing up and in college, I always did my work, I always studied for tests, I always prepped for presentations—but most of the times, I was trying to memorize it so I could regurgitate the information on a test or in a presentation. But I wasn’t placing the focus on truly comprehending the information. I, like almost every student, felt forced to learn the information but most of the time really didn’t feel like I was going to have to “use it in my life” or remember it in the future. So I would go about learning it, take the test and then be quickly onto the next assignment and topic. I took for granted the beauty of learning. I didn’t realize that actually comprehending material and letting your brain absorb new things and concepts is something that’s actually really amazing. Having graduated college 7 years ago and being in marketing ever since, my mindset in my new “class” is so different this time around. I’ve chosen to learn about yoga, I am hoping to integrate what I learn through this training into a future career, and in general, I’m fascinated by so much of what I’m learning. So yes, is it a lot when I get home from working all day and then take care of phoebe and then make dinner and then have to go upstairs to do some ‘yoga studying?’ Absolutely. But it’s also exhilarating to feel like I’m growing as a person, that I’m learning a new skill, that I’m broadening my view of life. I’m so thankful for this experience, even if it just results in me learning a lot and opening my mind to different ways of thinking. Even if all I get from it is the revival of butterflies in my stomach, then this journey will be a success
What we learn becomes a part of who we are. So I’m excited about learning about a healthy way of life throughout this journey. I hope that each of you get to experience learning “as an adult” or simply as a human that wants to grow rather than memorize. I hope you have the opportunity to learn about things that inspire you and make you passionate and create a fire inside you to continue to learn!
Time to go to bed- full day of classes starts in 9 hours.
Love & light,