I messed up on my meds on Monday. Somehow I took my sleeping pill before I went to work and left my steriod dosage for my bedtime packet. Freaked out, I didn’t take it because I knew I would be up all night if I took the dosage before going to bed. So instead, I waited until yesterday morning and took the amount. I felt fine most of yesterday but as the night crept along me, I began to feel more and more overwhelmed and stressed about everything. I am so excited for 2016, I have waited so long for this year to come but how if it’s not what I expect it to be? How if there’s more bumps in the road? How if I’m not able to keep my end of the bargain and make me getting given a second chance at life one that actually benefits the world. I try not to think so negatively like that but sometimes these emotions come running through my mind and there’s not much that I can do to stop them.
Right now, at 3:30am, is one of those times.
My mind can’t quiet. I keep thinking of the next thing I should do to for work- what avenue can I take to help these people living with such a horrible disease as ALS? But what do I do to continue to put the organization that saved my actual life first and foremost? How do I help those that are going through similar situations?
I always come to yoga and how much spiritual guidance and strength it has broughten me through this time. The moments on the mat can sometimes feel selfish but they are so far from selfish as they help ground you and allow you to be a better more compassionate person to the world around you. How do I bring that message to patients struggling? Can I teach it to children in the hospital? Would I even have the mental strength to do something like that?
My head is spinning in a thousand different directions and I just needed to write it out. Maybe now I’ll sleep. Or maybe now something I said will spark one of you to do something amazing. It’s all in the ripple effects, I believe. Even at this hour in the morning. Maybe it’s because the waters are stillest so the effects of movement are strongest.
Thanks for listening. Sorry for the rant.
Lots of love & light,
2 thoughts on “3AM no sleeps”
Jess, I always tell my students. “Don’t anticapate, particpate.”
I like that. Thanks Mary Margaret! Xo