1am rant session

It’s one o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. Is it the steriods or pain medication wearing off? Am I nervous for tomorrow’s appointment? Or maybe it’s the fact that I found out today I won’t be getting my position back at work when I go back in a month? I think it’s all three, mostly the latter. My whole life, I’ve always worked my damnedest to keep moving forward, to be the best I can be, put myself in the frontline and that’s exactly what I did when I got into the workforce. I worked my ass off at an agency to get a better job for a corporation and then worked my ass off for a company to prove that I was great at my job and prove myself I did. I got promoted to a position that I was excited about and proud of myself for obtaining. And then leukemia struck like the bitch it is and took my career train right off its tracks. Almost an entire year I’ve been out of work, out of touch with my coworkers and what’s going on in the industry. Instead of digital media marketing, my job became keeping me healthy, keeping me alive. So now that the light is finally creeping in the tunnel and I’m this close to getting back to work, I find out that I’ve lost that promotion I worked so hard to get. Now that’s
a hard pill to swallow. I understand the business decision behind it, but it definitely feels like a kick you when your down type of moment. I didn’t expect it at all and I am so frustrated and upset I barely know what to say. I know after everything I’ve been through this year, something like this shouldn’t rattle me so much (it’s just work, right?) but it’s more than that to me, it’s my career path and having cancer rear it’s ugly head at me one more time and take one more thing away from me just feels so unfair.

It’s 1am and I still can’t sleep. Too many things racing through my mind. But there’s one thing I know for sure, when I get back in my little baby cube land, I’m gonna kick some ass and take numbers doin it!

End rant.


8 thoughts on “1am rant session

  1. Jessie so sorry to hear this. You have every reason to be so disappointed. I do believe God has bigger plans for you! You are a sparkle in so many peoples day. Your courage and bravery is remarkable. You are a beacon of hope for so many with cancer and other illnesses. Your life has changed and will forever be changed. Glad you are going to kick butt and take names. Keep on keeping on dear cousin you are invisible!

  2. Hi Jess,
    I’m a random follower. I can’t remember how I came across your blog. Elite Daily article maybe? Anyway, I bookmarked your page a few months ago and just came back across it tonight, and this post spoke to me. I’m the same age as you (25-26 right?) and laser focused on my career too, so I can imagine how shitty this blow feels on top of everything else… but you WILL prevail. If you are strong enough to kick cancer’s ass, then this is just another small bump in the road of your life story. Know that you have lots of supporters. And I’m also really glad to hear you’re doing better health-wise these days 🙂
    Stay strong!

  3. Hi Jessica this is Lynne Amanda Coleman’s mom. A job is just a job. trust those around you who have lost promotions due to less significant things such as “a relative ” or “political favor ” you keep on working on getting better and things will work out . You are not your job. Their loss!

  4. You’re right, it’s not fair. Not. At. All. However, once you get through this journey, Jessie — it’s going to be easy to kick that type of ass. You will rise more quickly and be even more proud than you’ve ever been. Most everything, after cancer, is cake. You’ll show ’em, Jess. There is no doubt. ❤

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